Sunday, October 10, 2010
Okay, this will be riddled with ambiguities as I can't reference the people or actions that I'm actually referring to, but this is really just for me to get the essence of my thoughts down.
I keep being awakened in the night with dreams of a couple of men who gravely wronged me (for those who read my post in July about the rape, I'm not referring to that at all here). In these dreams I'm seeking vengeance against them for their acts/crimes. It's so visceral. I'm absolutely there, and am doing great harm to them. It's clearly a dream because I'd never have the physical advantage over either of them.
The surprise of all this is that I don't, at least I think I don't, believe in revenge/vengeance/retribution. My delightful little dream-world of late would belie that fact. I'm sure it's just me working it all out, but I'm a bit dismayed by the level of violence involved. Now this could be because I'm exploring my writing more and I have a whole new bag of tricks, idea-wise that I'm working on.
I just know that I have changed so much this year and for the better that this feels a bit like regression. That being said, I have a kickass daydream about flying to the city one of them is in, getting a cab, have the cab wait, knock on his door, cold-cock him, get back in the cab, straight to the airport, and back home before the evening news is on. i don't watch the evening news and i wouldn't do any of this. but ohhhhhhh, that a delicious fantasy.