We're on a Road to Nowhere

For this one, feel free to play this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JitgLtReziY to put you in the proper mood.

I've been TRYING to get my blog arranged just so and it's been vexing. I don't get all this stuff. I'm sort of there with it, but not really. You can tell a week ago when I learned to add pictures because every post since has had a photo. I was trying to get my 43Things page to link and you bloody see it over there on the right. Now click on it. What happened? Yeah NOTHING. So frustrating. I'm about 62% sure I did it right. Anyway, if you want to see my 43Things page you can keep up with my serious and silly goals you can just copy and paste the link. I guess this will test how bad you really want it. Is it really worth the effort to copy and paste just to learn my goals? : P

Then I added a playlist. Not a list of my all time favorites, but definitely a sampling of songs I dig. I like how it's optimistic, then a little fatalistic, then just straight up sad, then all dancey (it's a word - i made it up) and ass-kicky (also a word), then sort of piney (like pining for something not the tree). Yeah it's a real roller coaster. Enjoy.

So where is this blog going? I was asking myself this today. I don't even know. I like that I have a few people tell me "I need to catch up on your blog". It gives me an inflated sense of importance and you know how important that is to me. I also would like to thank one of my readers who was concerned that my shiftless cats could be suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning. It's a compelling theory, but I have the detector (I'm about 84% sure of that one) and they are just epically dull at times so I think everything is okay here. Anyway. Where is this blog going? Well, it's definitely getting me prepared for writing those screenplays I always talk about. I'm not there yet, but the juices are flowing (I just sickened myself).

What else?

Well Hells Bells the weekend is over. I feel like I did NOTHING. I mean I did. I studied and am almost current on my hypnosis lessons. So that's important. I totally forgot that I was going to go get a massage today. That's really sad. I'm so pampered I FORGOT I was to get a massage today. No wonder some people hate me. That remark right there really deserves a slap. I was going to do all kinds of things around the house. The only things I did around the house was listen to music, watch movies, read, drink, and sleep.

So another month begins. What will March bring? I'd expand on this but "Big Love" is starting and I'm about 53% sure the youtube link of David Byrne I posted is not going to work. (Just know a lot of cursing will be going on over here if it does not)

and It's 66.6 in My Bedroom AGAIN

I simply cannot get the temperature in this house anywhere in the vicinity of where I want it. It's allegedly in the 70's by the thermostat and at least once a day it's 66.6 in the bedroom. I'm either burning up or freezing cold. FYI, that 66.6 photo wasn't easy to capture. As soon as I'm in the bedroom for a few seconds the temp rises. It's only 66.6 when Evil (my cat) is in there. I guess he and Satan hang out when I'm not there.

I finally had a little porch swing time today. Unfortunately I did so after having a rather strong ale. I sat down and was reading "Forking Fantastic" to get dinner party ideas or really more the courage to throw one and I was swinging myself higher and higher when it suddenly hit me that I felt car sick or swing sick I guess. I haven't felt right since. So no swinging after drinking and don't read. I guess.

I completed two more lessons on hypnosis. I'm getting quite excited about it. I started on the 4th lesson, but the swing-sickness really put a damper on the whole rest of the day. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow. Lesson 5 won't be accessible until Wednesday so I have time still.

Other than that, I didn't really do much today. Evil, Wicked, and Zoe seem like they just sleep ALL the time now. Maybe I didn't notice it before because they'd go off in other rooms, but in the new house they are always around and always semi or unconscious. That's fun. They better not make me get a dog.

India: A Trip Down Memory Lane

Well I was going to talk about something totally other than this tonight, but I am going with India for tonight. I was on my walk later tonight than normal and I was getting close to my house and as I was on Charlotte/12th (just around the corner from me) I was thrown back to the tiger preserve we stayed on in India. It was the smell of the fire that cooked the evening meal (namely the chapati). My goodness. It's amazing how a smell can do that to you.

So I come home and dial Grandmother for our nightly call and she tells me that she was telling a good friend of ours about the time we had to be smuggled out of Bhutan because we were there illegally. She asked me what I remembered of it and she started to fill in some of the blanks of my memory (I was only 11). It was fascinating to have things that I thought were a dream or remembered inaccurately affirmed as being exactly how it was. We spent about an hour going over different incidents there. The other biggie was our being in Calcutta during the typhoon and having to wade through the water to get to our hotel. Ahhhh memories.

We are going to do this again and again to try to fill in the blanks of my memory. When they come to Austin next time they'll bring our slides so I can see the photos too. Very cool. I need to get these things down. They are the only ones who can validate my memories and remind me of others so I need to get on this while we still can.

Well that's sort of trumped anything else I was going to talk about. I was thinking about going to a couple of things this weekend, but decided that I will probably stay home and study up on hypnosis. I have 3 lessons I can now access so I think I'll do that.

I'm just psyched that I don't have to go anywhere if I don't want to. I mean I already went to India and back tonight. ; P

OHHHHHHHHHHH, okay. Remember the house I wrote about on Patterson? Okay. I'm heading back toward Waterston and I'm just walking along and an eerie gust of strong wind comes out of nowhere. I was deep in thought about something and so I really wasn't paying attention to where I was and then I said "Don't tell me.". I look up and YES. YES!!!!!!!! The wind swept along right as I passed THEE house. Then I looked up and a cloud went over the moon. I AM NOT LYING!!!!! It was intense and I really what to buy that eerie-ass house now.

Life Is One Big Road and We Got Lots of Signs...

Signs and more signs. Been encountering a lot more sign than normal. No not street signs, but just signs as to what I should do not do -- and I'm heeding them. Oh yes I am. I'm listening to Badmarsh & Shri as I type this www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVdnLI_9I7Y Every time I encounter a lot of signs (apparent ones) I hear this song in my head. Most of these signs I do not care to share, but one is funny so I will. I'm working on eating healthier and I was going to get back to using Greenling more, but just not this week. So I went on line and advanced my delivery date as it was time for my next delivery from when I had projected it out several weeks ago. So I get home and there a Greenling bin at my front door. Whoops. Looks like I got the local box and some eggs, milk, butter, and bread. Well boo hoo. ; ) It was a pleasant surprise and a SIGN to get with the program now and not later. Duly noted, Universe, DULY NOTED!!! ; )

Another fabulous walk this evening. I'm getting WAY faster. I've shaved about 15 min off my time from when I started last week (the problem is my lungs, but they are getting stronger). I am going to have to soon add more streets to my walk. Right now I go from my house on Waterston and work my way all the way down to Patterson until I hit 6th and then turn around and retrace my steps. There is this one house that I just adore. Not the house really the property and the treacherous stone steps leading up to it. I write a story in my head about it every time I see it. It's AMAZING. There are so many great houses along my walk and different little quirky things about the neighborhood. I think I spotted another road I want to go down. I don't know the name of it. It was a little off in the distance, but it looked so green and wooded and awesome. That shall be the first new road on my evening walk. I'm excited.

Tomorrow's Friday!!! Soooo excited. It's been a week. Not a horrible week, but not the greatest week EVER either. I need to regroup...and possibly go to the love seminar thing at the Buddhist center. Still don't know yet.

I just read that Andrew Koenig was found dead. That made me sad. Granted I didn't know his name until this week. He was Kirk Cameron's best friend on "Growing Pains" and his father was on "Star Trek". Just very sad. He was 41. THAT tripped me out.

Ohhhh, that reminds me. I was thinking about one of our trips to India/Europe that happened in 1990 and I said "That was 20 years ago". I just stopped and said "TWENNNNNTY?????" I mean for whatever reason it hadn't hit me that 1990 was that many years ago.

Tempus Fugit, Folks, Tempus Fugit.

Okay, let me not leave you on a sad note. I shall tell a joke. A terrible, terrible joke.

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there’s a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He’s been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. “Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

“Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,” she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

“You know,” he said, “you re the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?”

“No,” she replies…. “You just happened to catch my eye.”

Waaa Waaa Waaa Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Good night : P

My Shower Almost Killed Me...

Ahhhh, old houses. They are so full of character, so rich with history, so brimming with homicidal tendencies. The house usually tries to kill me with the wildly warped floors that actually make me sing "All This Time" at least a couple times a day (remember the video?). So tonight I came in from my walk (on the hills that try to kill me). I decide to do a bit of laundry and then take a shower. I figure that I'll play with the massager on the shower. Not in that way, it's mounted to the wall. So I find this one mode that's nice, weak, but nice. I'm enjoying my shower and then suddenly the water pressure goes from 1 to ELEVEN. I thought it was going to slam me against the wall. Sooooooo, the lesson here is WAIT until the washer has finished filling before getting in the shower of DEATH.

OMG!!!!! My yoga pants came!!! Damn do they look GOOD on me. I just am not 100% sure I can wear them out though. They appeared quite see through when I took them out of the box. I'll have to have someone see me in them first and then tell me whether or not I'm going to a yoga studio in them or not.

Saturday... I was so excited that I had nothing going on and within the last hour I have found out about 2 things I really want to do. The first is from 11-1 at the Chittamani Buddhist Center it's called "Licking Honey of the Razor's Edge" it's about distinguishing between love and attachment. Then I found out Black Swan Yoga has a thing at 3 on Energy 101. I'm thinking I might do both. I shall think on it.

What else? I always think of about 7 things during the day that I say I'm going to write about then I forget. I usually just write about whatever JUST happened to me and then if I'm lucky I remember a few of the other things. All this stalling has not helped. I don't remember what I wanted to say.

Oh well. Good Night.

Ghostbusting In Your Soul...

or as it was actually written "Go forth and blossom in your soul". Sometimes I mishear lyrics. This instance is courtesy of Gorillaz' "Stylo" which I CRAZY love. I just love that "Ghostbusting In Your Soul" really hit me as being awesome. You know. Like killing your demons? Ahhh, forget it.

So it SNOWED today. I posted a bunch of photos on FB like the massive goof ball that I am. It was so fun. I used to see snow plenty as a kid, but I was asthmatic and couldn't be out in it so it was almost the boogie man to me. It's nice to have a comfortable relationship with Sir Snow. I don't know why the "Sir" I just felt it deserved respect.

I'm watching "Tropic Thunder" for the 53rd time. It's on mute and I have "Stylo" blasting in my headphones. That plus Rounder's pizza = nice Tuesday night. ; )

I'm a 1/12 of the Way There!!!

I did my first lesson tonight. It was really just the history of it all. Just got me SOOOOOOOO excited that this is what I'm going to do. I can't wait!!!

I feel so much better tonight. I felt TERRIBLE earlier today. I left work after just 1/2 a day. I was certain I was going to be sick at my desk, instead I got sick at home. I slept almost all afternoon and felt much better. I had my chiro appt and did my walk. So I feel like I got a lot done today.

I'm thinking about writing a poem. I never really have before. Poems aren't my forte. I just feel inspired to for some reason. I need to work on my screenplay idea.

I was going to try to stay up to watch Craig Ferguson because I'm a tad taken with him, but that's another hr and 1/2 so I guess I'll wait till tomorrow.

What else? Hmmmm, I cannot say. I simply cannot say. Don't Ask Me to Sing!! (reference to Kristen Wiig skit with John Hamm that really tickled me)

Get Off My {Neighbor's} Lawn...

So I'm awakened and I don't initially know why as I've been sleeping pretty well. I get up to get a drink of water. See that my children are starving (their dry food was gone) so I get out a new bag and fill their bowl. Try to go back to bed and start stewing again over this bullshit at work...and then I hear moaning. Semi-faint. I think I must be mistak--- there it is again. Did I just hear someone say "Yes"? Ummmm, yeah. I did. JESUS CHRIST is someone in the room that my landlord stores her stuff in? I'm panicking now. For a split second I think ghost because the woman who's been celibate for two years now WOULD have the Ghost of Fuckings Past in her house.

It sounds SO much like it's in house, but I'm praying it is outside even though THAT thought is wildly disturbing too because this really isn't the area for it. I mean I could think of a lot of other places around here that would WAY more conducive. I think that it's coming from my neighbor's house. I keep trying to peek out my window semi-terrified I'll see someone right outside my window. No. It's RIGHT on her front lawn. I could NOT believe it. Ummmm, people can clearly see you from the street and it IS Saturday night so they are around you lunatics.

What weirds me out is how did they know my neighbor was out of town? They must have because they had their SUV parked right in her driveway and then when they were done had the balls to smoke their after sex cigarette while hanging out on her porch.

WHAT THE FUCK? Literally.

Boundaries

I need to set them better with some people. This week people who I really would rather avoid have sure come out of the woodwork. It's frustrating.

There was another thing that happened today that is so epically retarded I don't know that I even want to acknowledge it. I mean I'm fucking stupified over it. I've been seething for the last 12 hrs about it. I'd write about it, but apparently some very thin-skinned people are reading my writing and 'telling' on me. How old are we? Fucking SERIOUSLY?

On the plus side, it was a great evening of food, wine, Big Love, and much needed girl-talk.

Tomorrow is a galvanic facial and acupuncture. That should ease me out of my current tension.

Fifty Questions That Will Set You Free

These questions have no right or wrong answers.

Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? 24
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? For me, failing
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? I guess it's fear, right? I mean I know that's what holds me back.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? Umm, no. I'm one of the bigger doers. I do a lot. I know some scoff at me for what I do and think I'm flighty. That's just fine. I at least try.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? I wish there was more laughter. It's my favorite. ; )
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Rescuing animals that I could keep on a big, awesome farm until people even more awesome that I came for them.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? I am working on doing what I believe in for sure!!! I look at 'corp America' job as a means to that end. That job enables me to live in a nice house, do things to improve my health, go out with my friends to nice restaurants, etc. So I'm grateful for it. No it's not the end game, but I'm getting there. ; )
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I would have stood up to my family and gone to film school anyway, and I would have told a certain man how very much I care for him.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? Very much so in that I was the one that gave up the control to the powerful men around me. I don't blame them any longer. I blame me. I'm in the driver seat now and I'll not abdicate my power to anyone ever again. No decent person would expect me to.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing things right. I don't usually have a problemwith doing the right thing.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? If it is truly unjustified, I would politely let it be known my stance. I'll also be honest here and say that I have a bit of the sewing circle gossip in me so if I'm not a fan of the person, I can reallllly jump in with both feet. It's the one trait I have that it's bad that I really know I need to change. I'm cool with my other bad traits. ; )
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Be true to YOU. (how do you say that in 'Baby'?)
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? I have, yes
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? I'm sure I have, but nothing comes to mind
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Well my whole childhood was different from everyone I know so I relate to things differently than most I know.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? Because they're ignorant and small minded? I'm kidding, sorta. It's all perspective, isn't it.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back? Have a family. Finding a decent man.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Ohhhh yeah.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? Anywhere along the Mediterranean would suit me fine, but a little seaside village in Italy or Greece would be swell. Why? Why NOT. Have you been there?
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? I grew up in a condo and yes all the time. It DOES make it go faster. ; )
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? As long as I wasn't a drooling, joyful simpleton then yeah, I'd pick that.
22. Why are you, you? Why does this question annoy me?
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? Hell, yeah. I really bring it in the friend dept
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? I guess a good friend moving away.
25. What are you most grateful for? My family
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? OMG, I'd kill to forget the old ones. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is FINE by me. I don't need any of that dreck in my head any longer. Seriously. It's so painful.
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? What truth? THEE truth. Does anyone KNOW that?
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? It sure has
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now? Yes, it does and it always will. But it's a pretty big thing. I get the concept though
30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special? My travels. Being with my Grandparents and seeing the world.
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? I do off and on. I'd say I feel that way at least once each day. Just moments here and there. It hits me. "You're here. You're well. You're loved. Life is good" I get overwhelmed with the warmth of it all.
32. If not now, then when? Exactly
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? Not a thing. I'm working on it!!
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Ha, yeah. ; )
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Misguided followers
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? I think so
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Probably not. I'd not want to let on what happened.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More that I enjoy for sure
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Nope
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? The time I got mugged. : P
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? Grandmother and Christopher (brother)
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? Well I mean am I dying at 50 or 97? If it's 97, sure.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Merely existing vs. An Awesome Adventure
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? You'll know. You'll be driven. Trust me.
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? The pain
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? State my feelings
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Hahhaha, as I walked up a REALLY steep hill in my neighborhood. Dude, I thought I was going to have to call someone to come get me!!!!
48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?Life coaching and yes. I'm really trying to get that whole process going.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that? Ohhh, I'll remember a thing or two. Again, I get the concept.
50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? There were a few that I was letting others make. I decided on Monday that's over. So from here on out. I'm my own captain.

Two Months to 35

It's Feb 18th so just two short months to my 35th. My oh my am I doing a lot of mental/emotional housekeeping. Out with the old and in with the new. It feels kind of good. It also feels kind of scary. Such is life, right?

I got my new business cards today. God they are plain. That's what I wanted -- I thought. They are REALLY plain. Just black raised text on white. I would NOT be whipping these out to show Patrick Bateman (God, I love that movie).

I'm hating my diet right now. Nothing satisfies me . I'm trying not to go back to crap food, but I'm not liking what I have right now that is healthy. I should have gone to Borboleta tonight but I was simply too tired after my walk.

I sat on my porch swing today!!! First time!!! Not for long though. I let Wicked out for a little bit (I'll upload a pic of that to my FB). He was loving it, but as he always does when he's let out he wants to go get in the dirt. What's with that? Evil didn't even acknowledge the door was open and Zoe very timidly peeked her head out. A girl going by had to stop when she saw Wicked. Is it wrong that I enjoy people marveling at my cats' epic size? I'm certain they are part Florida Panther. They simply have to be. ; )

Look Into My Eyes...

So I start hypnosis training this week!!! I should be done by the beginning of April. It's a six week course. just typed "sex week" wtf?? it's soooo not sex week : (

anyway, i'm excited (apparently).

i revamped some things on the site. namely the pricing. i know that it's the "average" in the industry to charge $165 a session and I was well under that, but I've discounted it even further. I figured if almost everyone I talk to asks "What's a Life Coach" that they would not know what the industry standard is. so we shall see how that goes. everyone is interested in the hypnosis though. so that's why i'm running with that.

my neighborhood is not racially diverse-- when it comes to kitties. i was on a walk today and i saw 7 ginger cats (what are they called Marmelades?) and 2 ginger dogs (Irish Setters--I have no clue) any way, if they saw my cats they'd say "There goes the neighborhood". I really giggled about this while on my walk. I giggle a lot on my walks. Mostly because I think how funny it would be if I fell and rolled allllllllll the way to the bottom of the ridiculous hills.

ohhhhhh, i found the Clarksville sign that I had as my FB profile pic for a few days. It's just a block over and a couple up from my place. It's in front of Sweet Home Alabama Baptist Church (I may have added a word). I got SO excited!!

last thing, the house is cold. i'm going to bed to curl up under the electric blankie. that's sad.

the 11th hour...

i was about to head off to bed and realized i have written here yet. i've been yammering on to everyone around me so i feel that i had.

soooo let see. no boot camp for me. my back hurts too bad and as i was out walking to make up for it i had an asthma attack. sooooo, i will do my walks (carefully) and then incorporate Black Swan into the picture and take it from there.

movies from the past are sometimes not with watching again. "Lord of the Flies" went from 5 stars (as I remembered it from my youth) to 1 star. What a bunch of bastards they were.

semi- watching "Coco Before Chanel". semi-sorry i wasted my time on it.

tomorrow is Dr. Feelgood and possibly a mediation study at the Buddhist centre up the street from me. "Meditations for Relaxation" is the series they are on. That seems perfect given the acupuncture treatment I had on Saturday (which I CAN tell is helping with my sleep already).

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, found my hypnosis cert program. i forgot i was going to sign up tonight. i guess i'll do it in the a.m. too tired for fine, hypnotizing print. so i think 6 wks from tomorrow I can be certified. GOOD, because the biz cards say i am.

Obligatory Entry...

I postponed CG until 6pm tomorrow. I was awakened by an excruciating pain in my ear at midnight and was too scared to go out in this effing cold weather. I really am good and sick of the cold. I'll try to remember that in a few months when the reverse is true. I figure I'll do the evening classes until the a.m. ones are not in ridiculously low temps. I'm getting more intrigued with yoga. Someone is touting it bigtime and based on how they look (phenomenal), I'm down with trying it. I may switch into that after CG 8 or if I really love it do CG9 and yoga.

I'm looking for a Buddhist Temple/Centre. There are so many. I guess I'll need to shop around.

What else? Well trying to shut a door or two emotionally so that I can open some others. I want to tear the new doors off the mother fucking hinges because I'm ready, I mean IT'S TIME!!!, but as ANYTHING I'm ever interested in--- it's not going to be that simple.

Best Valentine's Day in a LONG Time...

and I'm not even in a relationship!!! Amazing how changing my thinking has really changed things. I have so many great people in my life now that I feel 10 times more fulfilled than I ever did in my past relationship. This ROCKS. I even got some home-made treats from my next door neighbor. I did not see that coming at all and it so touched me.

I just feel all lit up inside!!!

I hope I'm this happy at 5a.m. tomorrow when I'm having my out-of-shape ass kicked at CG Austin.

What a Transcendent Day!!!

"I'm pushin' an elephant up the stairs, I'm tossin' up punch lines that were never there, over my shoulder a piano falls crashing to the ground. I'm breaking through, I'm bending spoons, I'm keeping flowers in full bloom, I'm looking for answers from the great beyond..." - REM

WOW. So much is happening to me. I feel like I've grown SO much since the beginning of the year (which was only 6 wks ago, thank you very much). I had the BEST acupuncture session with Peggy. I can't even put it into words. I tried. I was trying to explain it to Grandmother tonight. I simply could not. I just feel so complete and blessed.....and now I'm crying.

Seriously. If you haven't had acupuncture, TRY IT. I feel like all the work I've done the last two years in Austin trying to get my house in order are paying off crazy-dividends. I just wish I had gotten on board with acupuncture far sooner.

Obstacles

Not thrilled with what I learned today, but if my Grandmother tells me not to let it derail me -- I'm listening.

I shall just stay on my present course.

SHE DIED?!!?!!?

Today janitor said, "I go Mexico. Manana. Momma. Gone." With a sweeping motion of is hand. The look on my face clearly frightened him because he scurried out of my office while I gasped. "SHE DIED!?!?"

I run into another office and ask "Did Juan's mother die??" "No." I restated what he said. "Ohh. His wife was here and she's back in Mexico now. He's going to see her." I now hate him. Even if he has said all that in Spanish I would have NOT heard any conjugation of "morir" and I would NOT have jumped to such conclusions.

I flooded my bathroom (with my foot spa water) and Zoe barfed on my bed. All in all, it's not been a marvelous day.

But I get to see Dr. Feelgood tomorrow. He's gonna make me feel ALRIGHT!! ; P

February 5, 2010...

I just want to remember that date...I think.

"Don’t Be Frio"

I was trying to tell the janitor to stay warm and that was the best I could do. Oh well.

I'm researching certification for hypnosis. Time to get cracking with that. I'll be writing more about that soon.

I'm craving Borboleta. I love that. I'll have it tomorrow night after my appointment with Dr. Feelgood.

Watching "A Simple Man" another Coen Bros film. Like all Coen Bros films (for me) starts ehhh, gets really engaging and great, goes back to ehhh and this should have been better edited because I could have done with less, then the ending grabs me enough to giving it approx 4 stars. I really wish that Netflix had an neutral star. So times there is a land between Don't Like and Like.

My house temperature is vexing me to no end. It's better now, but I'm sick of the cold (in the house). It was 57 degrees (IN THE HOUSE) when I got home. The cats were so cold. They're fine now, but I don't like this one bit. I need to get the hang of it quick. Uber-awesome electric blankie is on its way thanks to Overstock... so is my yoga mat for Monday.

What else? Ohhhh, I'm really getting on well with my boss now. I love that. She and I are just clicking.

About to watch "Couples Retreat". Hope it's as funny as it looks.

I love when I write about every thing except the main thing that's on my mind because I'm too chicken.

Heavy Is the Chest that Wears the Minimizer

In the world of my bones, I learned much today. There is nothing wrong with me other than I just kind of need to be reset. I'm paraphrasing. He said that I'm just curvy and always will be. He just wants to get me better aligned. I asked about the dowager hump thing that the massage girls freaked me out about. He said "If you are face down on a table it's going to look that way because you are heavy-chested (that term tickled me, hence the title) so it will seem as if you have a dowager's hump. You don't" MAN was that a load of my hunchback. I told him that I put off seeing a chiropractor because I was so scared to be told that it was true. He is awesome. I'll see him Wed& Fri and then I forget how many times I go next week. I think just twice. I love all the songs that go through my head while I'm there. "Take My Breath Away" and "Do That to Me One More Time" are the big ones. WHY did I fight going to a chiropractor??????

I wanted Borboleta tonight, but they are closed on Monday. Since a lot of people are into Meatfree Monday, I think they should rethink that. ; )

I happened upon another horrific accident today. Funny how I do that. I almost stopped, but there were others that had stopped so I kept going. Just because I don't think they were alive. I couldn't handle that. The roads here are APPALLING compared to Florida. I see a little better why they drive like mentals here when the rain starts. The roads out near my job are treacherous. I always a little wonder if that will be what does me in. They are unsafe in bad weather.

What else? Boot camp starts a week from today. I'm ready, but it's probably better that I have a few more chiro visits before I start that.

Super Bowl Ads: Man Up

I enjoyed the few commercials during the Super Bowl about men being MEN. I can't stand men who act like pussies. That's our job!!! ; - P

Just to show how not a man I am, I cried during the google ad. The one where the guy was looking up trips to Paris, then how to woo a French girl, flights home, weddings in Paris, and finally how to assemble a crib. Goddamn that got me!!!

Ohhhh, and I'm so glad to see Abe Vigoda's still alive. That makes me want to watch "Barney Miller" now.

The one with Chevy Chase & Beverly D'Angelo was funny too.

My Aunt

Today would have been her birthday. I'm just sitting here crying, missing her. I still can't believe she's gone. She's my only relative that really felt got me. I love most of my family members to death, but they don't really get me. I can't fully be myself around them without feeling they are judging me. We just have different ideologies. Jan, I felt got me.

I feel she's still around looking out for me. The reason I believe this so is that 9 days after her death someone who had very successfully been deceiving me for years was exposed. I could have gone on for years, maybe my whole life and never had learned the truth. I feel that she saw and made it known to me.

I still feel she's looking out for me when things fall into place so well. I really feel she is around...I just wish I could see her again.

If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium...

Okay, only my Grandmother and I would love the title of this blog. I'm not even going to get into what this means.

Anyway today was the first visit to the chiropractor. I've fought this for so long, but my body's savage attack on itself caused me to break down. I wrote a whole review on it. www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=4Zi2HXp_uEjAgJHTvIsCXg

I'm feeling much better tonight. I'm also proud of myself. I vowed to make 2010 the year of my health and getting it all together, and I'm doing just that. After my appt, I walked up the street to Borboletta. Carla Queen of the Carnivores had vegan lasagna and said to herself, "I could go vegan." --- I'll just let that sink in...

So it's another step in a positive direction. Perhaps in a couple years I'll undo all the damage I did in my 20's.

So January was the discovery of acupuncture.

February - chiropractor

March -- ???

Have I mentioned I always wanted to try colonics? I'll just let that sink in too... ; - P

Take Three

So I have written two blogs now and deleted them both. First was on having children, second on chiropractors. I think I'll just call it a night. I clearly don't want to share anything tonight.

Good night.

Wednesday Bloody Wednesay

Man, the fatigue is EPIC. I have had minimal to none in the energy department and it's getting old. I think it might be the weather, but I don't know. I normally find this sort of weather cozy and in this house -- please, this house is cozy personified (if the house was a person). Oh well. Two more days and I can sleeeeeeep, which I won't. It's really more the knowing I can.

Okay, what else? Well GF should leave the hospital tomorrow and that will be a good thing. I really hope this surgery does the trick. They are SO active and miss traveling (I don't think they left the country at all last year, which for them is quite a statement). He really can't until his hip is okay.

I'm mentally psyching myself up for boot camp. I think someone needs to tell me this isn't REAL boot camp. As freaked out as I am, you'd think it was. I just know I'm going to be in a world of hurt as often as I plan to force myself to go. I pray it warms up just a bit. Going at 5:30a.m. in this weather? WHOA

The Battle Royale between Carla & Her Right Side of Her Body is still being waged. At this moment Carla is on top thanks to copious amounts of medicine. I really hope I snap out of it. I'm giving it until Sunday. If I'm not better then I'll go for some Ashiatsu. I just have laid out so much money lately that I'm letting myself suffer (it's been 6 days now).

The House: Ohhh there are so many things that need to be done here. SO many things. I don't even want to get into it.

I got freaked out by kids again. I was on Failbook. It's a subsidiary (so not the correct term) of Failblog. It's hysterical (because they aren't my kids). God, when do kids lose their innocence now or did they even have it to begin with? Is it the internet? I swear I have learned SO many things that I should NEVER EVER EVER had ever heard in this life due to the internet, but I'm almost 35. You could tell these are young kids. Makes me sad. Makes me question having kids, but then again everything makes me question that.

On the light-hearted side, the best show ever is on tonight ("Modern Family"). I'm going to stop typing so I can watch it.

Put Yer Money Where Yer Mouth Is...

Your Momma Said That You Was Reeeaaalll!!! I've had Oasis' song in my head all day as I took the $160 plunge and signed up for CG8 starting Feb 15th. I'll most go to the 5:30 a.m. classes. I may do some of the evening ones. The plan is to do the CG8 and hopefully CG9. That will lead me to the big THREE FIVE. Then from there see how far I am from my goal of ___ and getting to go on vacation.

I'm so excited and scared. I'm horribly out of shape and I'm the sort that doesn't like to look bad in front of others. Well I can guarantee for most of CG8 I'm going to look freaking appalling. Oh well. I'm not going to get there, but sitting on the sofa contemplating it.

So I'm putting my money where my mouth is and getting on board with this whole thing.

Boot Camp and Giving People the Boot

So I just learned of Camp Gladiator from my former neighbor, Jackie. I'm going to go check it out with her, but I am about 90% sure I'm going to sign up for it. Sounds like exactly what I need. I can't believe how out of shape I look and feel. It's like I'm not even myself anymore. So I'm excited. I'll go next week. I ought to get a few good stories out of that.

On another front, I'm getting frustrated about acquaintances with some that I do not mesh with. I tend to attract all sorts and I don't know how to diplomatically cut ties with people. So I tend to CUT them out. Like a cancer. And it's almost that dramatic to me. If I'm not getting a good feeling or even feel downright uncomfortable, I really don't want to carry on with them. These are almost always women and when I try to back out or cut things off they will come at me. They will confront me and some how manage to talk me into still interacting with them. This shit blows my mind. If anyone told me, hinted, or just dropped out, I'd take the hint and say faretheewell (and probably "Fuck you too"). So I don't know what to do. I'm the Big Organizer. I bring people together. So how do I handle this? I feel life is too short to deal with anything that doesn't uplift me. So I need to sort this out.