Saturday, April 30, 2011

30 Day Music Challenge: A Song from Your Favorite Band

My favorite band is "Crowded House" (some could argue that "U2" or "Depeche Mode" were). My favorite CH song BAR NONE is "Kare Kare". It's so visceral for me.

"...You can say the magic word. I've got my senses on. And this is the only place, that I always run from..."

"Kare Kare" LIVE in San Francisco @ Warfield Theater

Friday, April 29, 2011

30 Day Music Challenge: A Song That Makes You Fall Asleep

Seriously, as a kid, this song would put me right not and I had mad panic attacks as a kid so that was no easy feat.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

30 Day Music Challenge: Song That Makes You Dance

I'm serious as moonlight, this song makes me want to put on my red shoes and dance the blues.

David Bowie - Let's Dance

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

30 Day Music Challenge: A Song That You Know Every Word To

Well, hell. I know all the worlds to almost all songs I like so that's no challenge. Then I thought maybe I'd list a foreign language song and then I knew too many of those. So I settle on this as it's a rather complicated story line and I had to actually concentrate on learning it.

Traveling Wilburys - Tweeter And The Monkey Man

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

30 Day Music Challenge: A Song That Reminds You of a Certain Event

Today would have been my wedding anniversary and since I can't find Psychedelic Furs "Wedding Song", "It's a Mistake" (although about a war) works quite well.

It's a Mistake - Men At Work

Monday, April 25, 2011

30 Day Music Challenge: A Song That Reminds You of Somewhere

This was rough. Thought of songs that reminded me of India, NYC, FL, California, some parts of Europe, and OF COURSE the Ocean.

I settle on this one that mostly reminds me of specific places in California, because even though it would have been an older song then I heard it a lot out there.

I'm starting to lean more toward California for my move if/when I make it.

The Church - Under The Milky Way

Sunday, April 24, 2011

30 Day Music Challenge: A Song That Reminds You of Someone

This song has a complicated history for me. Tony, my ex-husband, had William Orbit's "The Best of Strange Cargo" and this is the first song on it. That cd was the first that we listened to together and we listened to it A LOT. Mostly high (it helped).

Well, this song sort of reminds me of him, but more it reminds me of me and how all my life before him, in my relationship and marriage with him, and now after him I have felt so alone.

"You start swimming and swimming and swimming and you never stop swimming until you reach the ocean..." that so me. searching.

"...and you sail into the sunset with out me" again solitude. There is another version where she says "but I know where you are" and that has a less desperate feel to it that I like.

so it's all kind of sad then

"I find myself suddenly waking up, and there are four young girls giving me water from a vine leaf, just dropping it on to my tongue" this to me symbolizes those in your life giving you succor.

"Nothing more. You surround me. Break on through. Release me." I sort of think that's "God" or something spiritual. I'm not 100% sure as I'm not there yet, but I hope to be.

So there. My song that reminds me of someone -- Me. Should have picked "You're So Vain", huh? :P

This video credits Orton, while she sings on it, it's actually William Orbit who's to be credited.

"Water From A Vine Leaf"

Saturday, April 23, 2011

30 Day Music Challenge: A Song That Makes You Sad

This was DIFFICULT. I was thinking "Bread"'s "Aubrey", Cash's cover of "Hurt", "Spanish Eyes", "Innocente" by Delirium, a few "Coldplay" songs, about 3 other G Michael songs that RIP my fucking heart out, but his one killed me the first time I heard it in my early 20's, I played it daily, and I totally teared up listening to it just now.

Only difference between the 20 year old me and current me is I wish I could close my eyes again. :)


Friday, April 22, 2011

Thursday, April 21, 2011

30 Day Music Challenge: My Least Favorite Song

OMG, my ex-husband LOVES this song, but honestly I think he LOVED how much I hated it. He'd truly revel in it. I'd beg him to turn it off, he'd laugh at me, and I guess reminisce about his Long Island teen age nights. Nasty!!! :)

Meat Loaf - Paradise By The Dashboard Light

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

30 Day Music Challenge: My Favorite Song

I have a few FB friends who are doing this and I've enjoyed watching so I figured I'd post it here and link it to there.

My favorite song and has been for years. It's sooooo perfect.

Climax Blues Band - I Love You (1980)

Saturday, April 16, 2011

20 Questions To Ask Yourself Every Sunday (it's Sunday back home already)

1. What did I learn last week?
That my observations were correct

2. What was my greatest accomplishment over the past week?
2nd Interview for a job that would be a big change for me

3. Which moment from last week was the most memorable and why?
I saw the sun come up over the city from my window and felt at peace

4. What do I regret from last week and what can I do about it/ learn from it?
That I didn't call the vet sooner (she'll be here Monday at 12:15, but Zoe's not well)

5. What’s the #1 thing I need to accomplish this week?
Turn 36 tomorrow at 9:01 PM EST (so just don't die before then)

6. What is the most stressful thing in my life right now?
My self-imposed deadlines for everything

7. How can I go about improving it?
I don't know that I should. Is having goals wrong?

8. What have I been avoiding that needs to get done?
Organizing the new place

9. What opportunities are still on the table?
The job

10. What am I forgetting?
I forget

11. Is there anyone I’ve been meaning to talk to?
Yeah, but it wouldn't be nice -- so I don't

12. How can I help someone else this coming week?
I don't much pre-plan helping. I help as the need arises.

13. What treat will I promise myself this week?
Spa treatments tomorrow for the birthday

14. What are my top 3 goals for the next 3 months?
New job, Get financial house in better order, Commit to a fitness plan

15. Have any of my recent actions moved me closer to my goals?
Yes!!! The move, the interview, and I've really cut my portions, plus living on the second floor, the stairs are starting to slightly trim my hips/ass (slightly there's a lot more to be done there)

16. What’s the next step for each goal?
See if I get the job, if not start looking for another one. Start paying the debt down. Research gyms in the neighborhood.

17. What am I looking forward to during the upcoming week?

18. What are my fears?
That I made a FUCKING COLOSSAL mistake coming to Austin, same fear I've had the last 3 yrs

19. What am I most grateful for?
The glimpses of what could be

20. What can I do to make life more beautiful?
Buy flowers more often. I love flowers.

Friday, April 15, 2011

RIP: Dan Hartman, I Can Dream About You

Okay so most of my youth was spent overseas and one thing that I held sacred was a cassette tape that had "Ghostbusters" on side A and "Streets of Fire" (Which I still haven't seen) on side B. This was purchased in Bangkok, Thailand and saw me ALL through India and several other places as one of my only forms of entertainment.

Tonight I'm sipping scotch, playing online, and listening to Music Choice Channel 822 which is '80's and this song by "Dan Hartman" comes on and I do typical girl freak out "OMG, I LOVE THIS SONG". Well if you watch Music Choice, havers of Time Warner, you know they give you little facts throughout the song about the artist/song etc. Well here's a cold, hard fact. Poor Dan died of AIDS in 1994!!!!!

I couldn't fucking believe it. As I kid I'd listen to this song over and over and over. YES, because I'd flip the cassette back over for Mick Smiliey's "I Believe It's Magic" (my favorite song from "Ghostbusters" and maybe favorite song EVER), but also because I really liked it and it's one of the songs that as a kid made me think "THAT'S what love is like..."

RIP: Dan Hartman and thank you for an awesome song. : (

PS: He also wrote James Brown's "Living in America" GOD DAMN!!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Discipline: I Need It

Okay, go ahead and giggle and get all your naughty thoughts out there, I'll wait for you.

Okay, you done? I giggled too, when it dawned on me that I really need discipline (I snickered again) as I was driving this morning. I was trying to assess what's missing in my life that I have control over and that's it. I have zero accountability in my life. Say what I will about my ex-husband (and we know I will), but he kind of kept me on a certain path. Not the right one, but at least on one.

I basically am like a 5 year old who can do adult things. Anything I want, I get, do, see, what-have-you. There is limited discipline. That's why every thing's gone tits up. I need to get things sorted out and set rules for myself. I just have to establish what those are.

Example: I don't have a TX toll tag. I still periodically go through the tolls here, TX takes a pic, sends the bill to my Orlando address, and my Grandparents pay the bill. I'm going to be 36 on Monday, I mean come on!! That's the crap I'm talking about. I need to man up.

I need discipline.

(do you know how hard it was to find a pic that wasn't obscene?)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Carla's Birthday Weekend

Okay, first of this pic of Carla Gugino came up when I searched "Carla's Birthday" and it was hot so I picked it. So that's out of the way.

I think I have my itinerary down, kinda.


Pedicure & Cooking Class (wanted a film, but I'm not seeing anything I want to see at Alamo South)


Brunch at Paggi

Monday (THEE Day):

Afternoon at the Spa getting massage BY JESUS, facial, and back facial

So that's all on the agenda for now, but I'm sure it will change.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Someone to Watch Over Me

I'll not mince words. I've been having a shitty life for the last 6 months or so. Probably a bit more than that, but it depresses me to actually count it out so a round number shall suffice.

I took 4 days off for the move since I had to do every thing myself. First day back to work, I spill my fruit cocktail all over the front seat of my (new to me) car. It's leather so it's fine I guess. I mopped it up with my hoodie and the canvas bag that it was in.

When I get to the office I just throw the whole thing in the trash. I was just too exhausted to deal with it, you know? Well my boss sees it and she's like, why are you throwing these things out? I tell her. She says, "They can be washed!!!" Me, "I just don't care, I'm too tired." She says, "Well I'm taking them home and washing them for you." I protest, because wow that so is not necessary, but she takes them with her.

Today she returns with the best smelling ever canvas bag and my Yelp hoodie (which I really do love) in it. I just kept smelling it throughout the day. Tonight I took the hoodie out of the bag. It was all neatly zipped and lovely folded like my own mother folded it. I broke down and cried.

Christ, I need my mom or something or just to be taken care of for a bit. : (

Saturday, April 9, 2011


I'm a big dreamer. I have extremely vivid dreams. They are often so vivid that I am not 100% they didn't happen especially when they involve people in my life.

Lately I have been dreaming that I'm pregnant. I think I'm dreaming that nightly. I had a dream a few nights back that I was going to have an abortion. I was terrified and the doctor who was going to perform it was soooooo kind. He was almost God-like in the dream. He told me "No matter what you do, every thing will be alright." I remember weeping and then needing to find someone who has become my go to person for anything huge that I'm dealing with. That dream was so strong that I actually shared it with my Grandmother.

Then last night I'm pregnant again, but I wasn't showing but I was lactating (sorry, I know it's gross). It was so weird.

I know I'm dealing with a lot of change, but it's just weird that I'm dreaming about it in this fashion where I never have before.

Maybe I'm going to be the 2nd Immaculate Conception.

Friday, April 8, 2011

MasterMind Connection

I know I blogged about this when I first discovered it a few months back, but I haven't acted on it. I'm a member of a Yahoo group and members are periodically added and the leader asks us to introduce ourselves, but I haven't. I'm so freaked out that this will be like church, even though it is NOT like any church I have been to either Catholic nor Protestant (since I'm a 1/2 & 1/2).

I finally stepped up the other night and declared that I'm a member of the group, but that I'm a total newbie (in fact that's what I titled my post) and this man who is the leader of the Intro to MasterMind out of Unity Church of the Hills introduced himself and invited me this Sunday as the 2nd Sunday of each month is a special intro for newbies!! : )

I really think I'm going to go, but I have been panicking about it for 2 days now. I'm so anti-church, yet I miss church.

I wish I could get back the good safe feeling I used to have at church. Maybe I will at this one. It's definitely not my Family's church.

We shall see. I'm leaving myself the option of not going (as did the leader of the group), but as he also said "...I just trust that you will follow your divine guidance on Sunday. We have these into to master mind discussions every second Sunday of the month so no harm if you can’t make it but it’s my guess that you will. Feeling that you are in charge of your life is a good thing in the midst of transition so listen to your heart and you’ll be glad you did. Always!..."

So we shall see...kinda think I'm going. All that I have going on, I could stand some MasterMind Connection.

Here's the link to the 7 steps in case you are wondering what it is.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Game Is Afoot, Mother-F--kahs!!!

Okay. So the other day I alluded to 5 "Changes". A few people have asked me what they are so I'll go ahead and say. I didn't want to because I think there are some people reading this that I don't particularly care to share my life with, but what the fuck.

1) Dwelling (done)

2) Career (in progress, I do believe)

3) Finances (currently $15k in debt, will be debt-free with a healthy nest-egg)

4) Health/Fitness (I have BALLOONED UP (30 lbs) since moving to Austin, this is no longer acceptable)

5) Relationship (As someone who was in a relationship from the second she was legal till 3 yrs ago, I'm done being alone. I've proved I can do it. Now I'm ready to be in a relationship with an awesome guy who is NOT a manchild)

So those are the Five Changes. One has been accomplished and the others will in their respective times so the numbers currently assigned are subject to change.

I told a good friend today that I'm sick of mediocrity. I meant in others, but I really mean in my own life. After all, the things we despise in others is what we see in ourselves. I see it in others and I really see it in me. I'm not talking about being a perfect, cookie-cutter Stepford Wife phony. I just mean the best version of CarlaMarie that I can possibly be.

(the photo doesn't have anything to do with this post other than the title and I liked it.) :P

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Post 500: Five Changes

I deliberately put off posting the last couple days as I knew this post would be my 500th. I didn't want it to be a post of frivolity although I do love a good frivol (I know it's not a noun, but I don't care).

There are five things I'm changing in my life. The first just happened. The remaining four, I hope, will happen this year. Two I have pretty strong control over, two I'm rather at the mercy of others. I'm determined to make all four changes though.

When I make up my mind about these things, I get very restless. Once I know what I want, I absolutely obsess about it.

So if you're around me and I'm distracted, I apologize. If I'm not around, I apologize. Some times I get withdrawn when I'm in this mode.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Finally Moving

"Whoooooooaaaa, sometimes I get a good feeling yeah.
Get a feeling that I never, never, never, never had before no, no.
I get a good felling, yeah." : P

Friday, April 1, 2011

Starting Over

Something I used to dread (Change) has become something I kind of love/need now. In fact, I get so stressed when it seems everything is status quo. I'm so excited for the changes that this particular new start will bring me. I feel that the first three years here were sort of a grieving period and now I'm done with that.

A friend wrote me the most awesome email today that touched me beyond words, "Hey, girlie….have fun opening the “next chapter” in your wonderful life…."

That really sums it up doesn't it?