Friday, May 31, 2013

Ways You Give Away Your Power: Worship

Oh this is one I could go on and on and on about. My idol of choice is Men. Specifically a certain man that changes everything for me. Your idol? Is it your job? Your car? Your Favorite Athlete? Most of us have them.

Quoting from "Waking Up Groggy"

9. Worship

There is not a single person on this planet deserving of your worship. To worship someone is to believe they are better than you, they have something you don’t have, they have something you’re lacking…there is no guru, priest, rabbi, celebrity, motivational speaker, man woman or child you should ever bow down to or look up to. Nobody knows the secrets of the universe, nobody has all of the answers, nobody is better than you and to worship another is lowering yourself to a subordinate level.

There’s nothing wrong with loving someone’s work and being inspired by them…just know they aren’t greater than you. We each have our own unique gifts and each of us adds something special to this world.

This always reminds me of Chaz Palminteri in "Bronx Tale"

Young Calogero: "Bill Mazeroski, I hate him. He made Mickey Mantle cry. The papers said the Mick cried."

Sonny: "Mickey Mantle? That's what you're upset about? Mantle makes $100,000 a year. How much does your father make? If your dad ever can't pay the rent and needs money, go ask Mickey Mantle. See what happens. Mickey Mantle don't care about you. Why care about him?"

Calogero: [narrating] "After that, I never felt the same way about the Yankees."

So there you have it. Mickey Mantle don't care about you, why care about him? Don't give Mickey Mantle your power!!! :P

Tomorrow it all ends. Power Thief "Taking the Easy Way Out".

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Ways You Give Your Power Away: Being a Doormat

Getting closer to the end. Copied from "Waking Up Groggy"

8. Being a doormat

It’s not selfish to say no, you have a right to live your own life and do your own thing. There is no good reason to constantly do what other people tell you to do without question. You’re not being cruel by refusing to put yourself out for someone else. Don’t allow others to walk all over you.

You know what a doormat is for? Cleaning the dirt off the bottom of shoes, don’t let other people wipe their shit on you.

Oh me oh my. I was a doormat. Just for a couple select people, but I was. I find that I tend to be a doormat for the men I care about. Hence my desire to be alone.

Tomorrow's Power Thief: Worship --- Yep, I do that too.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Ways You Give Your Power Away: Believing Everything Is Love & Light, Kittens, and Rainbows

Day 7 and Power Thief 7. Copying from "Waking Up Groggy"

Believing everything is love and light, kittens and rainbows

This is disempowering because denying an essential part of your being is to live in fear of your own nature…. we all have a dark side- we all get angry, we all can be pushed to violent reactions and we all have thoughts that we wouldn’t want anyone to know about…it’s called being human. Life is both dark and light, if you don’t embrace and accept your dark side and the dark side of life you become weak and a victim.

I. Fucking. Hate. This. Shit. Being into self-help the way I am, I get around waaaayyyyy too much of this. I find people who do this to either a) be in total denial b) be a RAGING PHONY c) a combo of both. Honestly, I really feel it's more B for Total B.S.

If you want to do this to yourself go for it, but don't do it around me. You won't know me for long.

Tomorrow's Power Thief "Being a Doormat"

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Ways You Give Your Power Away: Allowing Others to Make Decisions and/or Speak for You

Copying again from "Waking Up Groggy"'s blog

6. Allowing others to make decisions and/or speak for you

Whether it’s low self-esteem, laziness, not enough time or energy it’s not an excuse for allowing others to run your life. You have it within you to make a good decision, you can do the research, you can use your own intuition, you don’t need someone else to make all of your decisions….stand up for yourself, speak up, don’t let others dominate you.

If you continue to allow others to run your life, ask yourself; do you enjoy living as a slave?

I don't do this one too much anymore, but I certainly used to. I think for me it was more fear of making the wrong decision or my serial People-Pleasing that drove it.

Tomorrow's Power Thief 7. Believing everything is love and light, kittens, and rainbows.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Ways You Give Your Power Away: Feeling Sorry for Yourself or Someone Else

Super-duper guilty of this one. More on the pity party kick lately and I dislike that tremendously. Here is what "Waking Up Groggy" wrote.

5. Feeling sorry for yourself or someone else

Pity is disempowering; you don’t help anyone by giving them your pity. Give love, give encouragement, give support and compassion but not pity. To pity someone is like taking a vacuum hose and sucking the life right out of them. The same goes for yourself, feeling sorry for yourself does nothing other than keep you stuck, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t grieve or feel hurt it means stop feeling like a victim and get proactive.

I feel she really summed it up. You don't need me to pontificate on this.

Tomorrow's Time Thief "#6 Allowing Other to Make Decisions and/or Speak for You"

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Ways You Give Away Your Power: NOBODY Completes You!!!

Fuck You, Jerry McGuire!!!! One line from a so-so 90's movie ruined me and no doubt countless others for years. Today's Power Thief per "Waking Up Groggy" is

4. Believing someone else has the power to make you feel whole/sane/worthy/happy/alive
There is no man or woman who can save you from yourself.

There isn’t anyone you can’t live without.

There isn’t anyone who completes you.

You don’t need anyone to stand on your own two feet and feel strong.

Sometimes someone comes along who sweeps us off our feet, we feel energized and like the sun rises and sets just for the two of us. There’s nothing wrong with passion as long as it’s kept in check. Don’t let someone else take over your heart and mind no matter how intoxicating….you can enjoy your own company; you don’t need someone else to feel alive.

The other way we give our power away is by giving someone else all of the credit for our own personal achievements. Catch yourself when you say things like “I couldn’t have done it without them”… yes you could have. Be grateful for the support however take credit for your own accomplishments!

I need to write this entire thing on my bathroom mirror as it is probably my biggest stumbling block of the 10. I love a hero, god, idol to worship and revere. It's almost like I can't help myself. I pick one every few years and can name them off to you. There haven't been many, but they completely alter the orbit of my world. I also inevitably fall in love with these men (it's always been men up to this point), and I usually can't have them because they are attached to others or completely mental or both. This one is so hard for me that I feel I am relegated to a life of solitude because no other men will do it for me and it's unhealthy for me to be with them. I usually end up cutting myself off from them completely. Physically run away or just stay away.

I clearly have a lot of work to do on this one.

Tomorrow's Power Thief "Feeling sorry for yourself or someone else" (that's another one of mine.)

Friday, May 24, 2013

Ways You Give Your Power Away: Obsessing Over Someone's Bad Behavior

Item 3 on "Waking Up Groggy"'s list of the 10 ways we give away our power is to fixate on someone else's bad behavior.

Quoting directly

Some people are assholes…period. In fact, some people get off on making other people miserable, and they aren’t going to change. Constantly complaining about their bad behavior, talking about it with anyone who will listen and feeling victimized by them is like bowing down at their feet and calling them master.

Ignore them, don’t engage…no matter how tempting it is, don’t engage! Ignore them completely and they’ll move on.

This is a no brainer yet one I certainly fell into myself. My identity got wrapped up in someone's insanity. For years. I actually moved on my myself. Physically left. Now I have zero tolerance for anyone's bullshit and usually can see it from a mile away.

Tomorrow's Power Thief: 4. Believing Someone Else Has the Power to Make You Feel Whole/Sane/Worthy/Happy/Alive

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Ways You Give Away Your Power: Feeling Guilty

This is not one of mine fortunately. I mean I will have occasional pangs of guilt, but they quickly pass. That is the beauty of getting religion out of your life. My family doesn't get me with it either because their expectations are routed in religion. So basically, I tell myself "They expect x because they believe y" and I'm right as rain. To be clear, there are constructive forms of guilt, but that's not what I'm talking about here.

Copying again from "Waking Up Groggy":

"Guilt is one of the most draining, disempowering emotion there is, it has its purposes but most often it’s used a tool of manipulation. If someone is trying to make you feel guilty about something you enjoy, don’t listen to them! They have no right to tell you how to live your life, everyone has their own idea about what they consider good or bad but it comes down to what’s right for you. As long as you aren’t hurting yourself or another person and it makes you happy then have at it, let others mind their own business."

This one makes me want to shake people, as I'm sure people wanted to shake me into the next life with my hang-ups. I totally see it as a 'tool of manipulation'. I see people make huge, life-altering decisions due to guilt, obligation, expectation whatever name you want to slap on it. It is unfortunate, and I am sure I have been *guilty* (haha) of using guilt to get what I want. I am grown past that.

So how can you overcome guilt?

I found an article "Overcoming Guilt: How to Free Yourself from a Guilty Conscience" by Mark Foo K.L. He suggests first determining the route cause of your guilt. I will just list the 5 points not his remarks.

1. The past is the past, it can not be undone, and it should be left alone.
2. Problems should be fixed.
3. Give yourself permission to be human.
4. Talk it out with friends, family, or professionals.
5. You can and should forgive yourself.

As I stated, this isn't one of mine. So I don't have a lot to personally offer on it other than to say, you deserve better than this. I hope if this speaks to you that you are able to find what you need to work through it. Plenty came up on Google when I did the search. If it's a deeply routed problem, I'd definitely talk to a therapist about it to help you get to the route cause if you don't know what it is already.

Tomorrow's Power Thief - "Obsessing Over Someone's Bad Behavior"

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Ways You Give Away Your Power: Playing the Martyr

I've burned myself out on self-help, but spending so much time in reflection I have noticed some things. Some I notice because I see traits in others that I find wildly repulsive, but most others I see in myself. A big stumbling block of mine is giving away my power. So I was doing a bit of research on it last night and stumbled upon a completely awesome blog post on "Waking Up Groggy" entitled "10 Ways You Might Be Giving Your Power Away". I was so captivated by it, I felt compelled to write about them. I don't know if I will write about all 10 as, thank god, I don't have all 10 to overcome.

The first one "Playing the Martyr". I have stumbled with this one. Going to direct copy from what "W.U.G." wrote:

"The martyr is the one who sees themselves as the saviour, the only one who steps in when no one else seems to care, sacrificing themselves for someone in need.

Some of you might think it’s not only good but admirable to give up your own life for the sake of another…it’s not. You aren’t going to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped and you definitely aren’t going to help someone by weakening yourself. It doesn’t mean you walk away from someone who’s in distress and needs help, but at some point enough is enough.

I find that people who do this put themselves in a situation that mirrors a past conflict or personal pain. The belief behind it being this time they can make it right and it will exonerate them from their own pain, like a karmic debt however it never works out that way. Worry about yourself and let others walk their chosen path…. sometimes people need to come to things on their own time, in their own way and it’s important to discern when not to interfere."

I wasted 15 years playing the martyr. Actually more probably, but in the major relationship of my life I totally thought that I was needed. That I was the only one that could help this person. Wow. It plays well with my Narcissism. This led me to contemplate the difference between a Victim and a Martyr. I found this article "Overcoming the Role of Victim or Martyr" on

Here are 20 differences between being a Victim and a Martyr

Victim : Martyr
1. Usually has short-term problem : Long-term problem
2. Motivated to change : Stuck in their problem
3. Rights violated by others : Rights violated by others
4. Did not choose the problem : Chooses to remain in problem situation
5. Never complains : Complains all the time
6. Lacks insight into problem : Frequently has insight into the problem
7. Unknowingly plays an active part in the problem : Frequently knowingly plays an active part in the problem
8. Doesn't often seek help : Seeks help all the time
9. Wants to let go of the problem : Holds on to the problem
10. Guilt free : Guilt driven
11. Solution oriented : Problem oriented
12. Powerless due to lack of knowledge : Powerless out of a free will choice to be so
13. Unique problem : Habitual problems
14. Sincere desire to change : Mask of sincerity
15. Honest to self and others about the problem : Dishonest to self and others about the desire to change
16. Hesitant to get help : Seeks out help habitually
17. Reticent to talk about problem : Relishes the attention received in talking about the problem
18. Embarrassed about the problem : Wears problem as a badge of courage (purple heart)
19. Wants a quick solution to their crisis : Creates crises out of everything but blocks all solutions
20. Open to all new ideas : Holds a "yes, but" attitude to all new ideas

Read more:

I'll end it there. As I stated, I fell into the Martyr category. I see many others around who do as well, and I'm sure there plenty more who do that I'm not aware of.

Hope this helps someone. If not, don't worry. There are 9 more that might resonate with you.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

I'm Writing a Novel...

So you can all get off my back now!!! :)

Given my extremely interesting and unconventional childhood, I have been told since age 8 or 9 that I was going to "HAVE TO WRITE A BOOK SOMEDAY". I really, really hate being told what to do. So I balked at the notion. As my adult life managed to outdo my childhood through a series of bright ideas and brilliant associations (that is dark sarcasm), the material is stacking up quite high.

When you have 7 months and counting of 100% free time on your hands, you can work out the kinks in various ideas you have been knocking around in the back of your head.

About 3 or 4 years ago, I decided I'm more of an essayist. A short-story writer. None of this novel stuff for me. That takes commitment aka The C Word. Nope. I was going to do a book of short stories. Then I haven't. I start. I stop. I start. I stop. It doesn't speak to me. Not now anyway.

There has been one idea that I can't shake. Every time I think of it, I visualize it as a series. Not an American series where an good idea is raped into the ground to mine every drop of inspiration out of it. A BBC series. Three seasons TOPS. Six episodes each. Eighteen small installments to tell the story of this woman. Of the at least 7 or 8 ideas I have, this is the one that I would call my baby. So I have been thinking of it more as a series, and it's starting to take on more and more of a life of its own.

A couple of weeks ago I was really thinking about it. Thinking about how I would soooooo watch this if it was a show. But I would want to have total control over it. I wouldn't want to pitch the idea and let some Hollywood jerkoffs ruin it. Which, if they ever were interested in it, is exactly what would happen. So I was trying to think how to circumvent that. Then it hit me. 18 episodes are 18 chapters. Carla. You have your novel.

So there you have it. I'm writing a novel.

You're welcome.

Friday, May 17, 2013


We all know that nothing lasts. It's the impermanence of many things in life that make them special. Jobs, friendships, romantic relationships, and ultimately life itself are all on borrowed time. This immutable fact was one that I struggled with, but feel I have come to embrace.

Then something kind of stirs the pot. Oddly enough the ending of "The Office" did that for me. This was not the first time either. It happened last year with the ending of "Desperate Housewives" and "Weeds". I found myself mourning the ending of a show? Huh??? I mean I dig TV, but to feel actual separation anxiety - that's a bit much.

Then I thought about it. All these shows had rather lengthy runs. When they all started, I was with my ex-husband. I was living in a nice condo. With my nice life. Everything running so smoothly. Well actually things were not, but I rewrite that part in my head. These shows were always there. When various parts of my life started to break away, the crazy girls of Wisteria Lane were sitting around dealing with their crazy messy lives. When I left all I knew behind to get over my heartbreak and try to start a new life, Jim and Pam were still new and was fun to route for them. We'll just leave the comparisons of my life to Nancy Botwin's alone...

If I'm perfectly honest, I was griping about how the show lost its edge for the last 3 seasons or so. But isn't that just like life? You let a mediocre thing drag on because it's easier than parting with it.

**sorry for the weird layout. i swear to God, they change this damn thing every time i leave it for a month or two -- seeeeee IMPERMANENCE!!!!