Sunday, September 20, 2015

Soooooooooooo, It's Been Awhile...

Well, well, well. Oct 2013 was my last post. What's happened since then? ummmm, EVERY THING!!!!!!!!!

I would have just landed back in one of the last places on Earth I would have wanted to live yet again (Florida aka the US' Punchline). BUT the time here has not been misspent, regardless of what my radical mood swings might tell me.

Six months after my last post I met a fella. Almost a year and 1/2 now. It was a whirlwind romance so we've been living together this whole time. One month into that we got a dog. Yes. I am a dog owner (the 3 cats from Texas are all alive and fairly well, one's a senior and having issues). So home life is much different than it's ever been in my life. Despite having been married before, I now feel like this is my first ADULT relationship. He and I are so much alike that it's wonderful 97% of the time. The other 3% we mirror what we find frustrating in one another. I have learned a lot. He's wanted to strangle me a lot. All in all, I find him magical. He feels like home - which is all I've ever wanted. He makes me laugh, all the time. He might be smarter than I. That's a tough one for me, but I dig it. He challenges me, in a good way. He's badass, and dozens of other things that I never thought I'd get all in one man.

Professionally, I'm progressively working my way up in my field. I make double what I did in Texas and have the best title to date. That's awesome. I'm not happy though. I commute to Daytona from Orlando. We'd move closer, but I don't see myself staying with this company long since 2 yrs is my limit and I'm at the 1/2 way marker. So, I have started exploring an even higher position OUT THERE. Putting it out to the Universe that I'm open to relocate given the right location/position. Mister would love to get the fuck out of Dodge too (he moved to FL from Chicago about 6 mos before I did and loathes it here even more than I).

That's tough. My Grandparents' health has declined so rapidly in the time I've been here that I really feel like I don't know them anymore. It's difficult to admit, but I have a hard time being around them. It's like being around people I don't know and who don't really know me yet they look familiar. This has been really, really hard on me. I nightmare about it almost nightly. I'm literally blocks from them, and have helped with the numerous hospital runs that have occurred in the last 9-10 months, but I've distanced myself greatly from them. Not proud.

I'm officially the shittiest friend now. I really only text and at that not so much. My job has me so exhausted ALL the time that I barely have the energy needed at home, therefore NO energy for anything outside home/work. I hope to change that though. If I locate a job in Orlando, I intend to get my shit together and be more present for my friends who are nothing but true blue.

Mister and I share several awesome dreams. He has an added advantage. He's almost 6 yrs younger than I. I turned 40 in April and I feel like the clock is massively ticking down on it all. This frustrates and worries me. Right now we are not in a position to act on the majority of what we want and while we talk about putting plans into place, we seem to tread water. I'm sure I'm being impatient. That's my nature. But I really feel that we don't have that much time and I see others living out their dreams and worry we're just wasting time. I need to spearhead things more. Just writing this I see that.

I discovered a site where all kinds of freelance writing opportunities are posted. I initially found it because Mister is a wine writer and there were some great opportunities for him, but in exploring it I saw that there might be some for me as well. I will look into that further. It would be fantastic to have a creative outlet and another stream of income to maybe start financing some of our dreams.

I feel I want to write a lot more, but I shall come back. This is today as it was for me years back very cathartic to share my thoughts regardless if they're viewed by anyone or not.

If you are reading this, thank you for 'listening'.