Thursday, October 7, 2010

No Children

So I'm learning a bit about myself through this whole eharmony experiment (that's basically gone awry). I have learned it's not for me. When the three months are up, I'm so out. I hardly even look at the matches any more. Nothing wrong with them, it's all me. I just cannot get remotely interested in someone that I don't feel that initial spark with. I've only felt that four times in my life. Once with the one I foolishly let get away. Once with the ex-husband. Once with someone I can't mention as they might be reading this, and currently with someone who is taken or else I'd be all up in that.

But that's not what I learned about myself. I knew that. I learned and that I really, really, really, really don't want a man who has kids. This sucks with eharmony because I have "yes/maybe" on the "Do you want kids?" question because if the man is the right one I know I will. But I want my kids with him not someone else's UNLESS they are adults. That's different. I mean it's still baggage, but not in my house that I have to raise baggage. See. The fact I call them baggage really tells it all.

I am sooooooooooooooo grateful that I don't have kids with the ex-husband. So grateful. SO SO SO grateful. I just want a man that was smart enough to not make that same mistake too. See 'mistake'. Yeah. No kids.


  1. As you know I usually weigh in on your blog cuz I love you!
    I met my husband on Yahoo personals back in '03. I clearly stated in my info section that I had never been married or have children and at 33 that was practically a unicorn in the dating world. I also stated I did not want to date a man who has children or has ever been married. I received a lot of flack from me about it but as I see it- THIS IS MY LIFE AND I WANT NO BABY MAMA OR X-DRAMA. It's your right to choose your mate on your criteria however sometimes love just falls in your lap when you are not looking and he may have kids or an X-wife. Love is love.
    Long story short- I found my unicorn mate- no chitlins or x-wife. They are out there Carla...there is a Unicorn out there for you too!

  2. I love you, Karla. I know what you're saying is true, and shoot at 35 years of age and an ex-husband myself I can hardly be that exacting, but hey, I don't talk to mine at all so there's that. Not that I expect that. I'm sure that's not healthy, but if they knew my ex-husband I'm sure they would understand why I don't. If I met a man with kids, I'm sure it would a WHOLE other scenario. I'm just saying walking in with zero feeling, eyes wide open, I'd rather not.

    Now if I'm already quite smitten with someone, he could have 10 kids and I'd deal.

    (Also regarding the ex-wives, I'm a bit more skeptical of the never marrieds in their 40's than the divorces)