Friday, November 26, 2010

Poet And Didn't Know It...

but my feet show it because they are Longfellows. : P

I'm awakened by a sentence.

"Your compassion (uncommon kindness) lays siege to the walls guarding (around) my wounded (broken) heart."

I got up and wrote the sentence minus the parts in parentheses and then I've been mulling changing it to the parts in parentheses. I'm sure you got that without me saying that, but I'm exhausted and feel I need to overly explain myself.

I was thinking of one person in particular. I want to write a poem for someone, but then I reflected yesterday on how wonderful the people in my life are. Most I know in person. Some I don't. Some I hope to get to know better, but all so kind, caring, and supportive. I know if I truly needed help they would be there for me.

The loss of my boys, especially Wicked, tore open a massive wound of the past and left me extremely vulnerable. Not to worry though. It finally does not feel dangerous to feel vulnerable. Okay, it feels LESS dangerous. I still have the need to protect myself. Hard to unlearn defense mechanisms that served me so very well in my past life. I'm trying though.

I don't want to be cut off from people who care about me and I them. I sent out a text message to a handful of people who for one reason or several mean a lot to me. It was so awesome the responses I got back. Made me think, "Why wait till Thanksgiving to tell those you care about that you are thankful for them?" I'm going to practice gratitude far more. I've taken some hard hits the last few years and have lost sight of the fact that I truly am blessed still. I just have not been blessed in the way I thought I would be so it looked off or wrong to me. It kind of reminds me of that line from "Stop and Stare". "You'd give anything if it was fair, but fair ain't what you really need." I think I get that now.

So, Dear Reader, allow me to tell you that I'm thankful for you too. I wish I could know who you all are. I know you are scattered far and wide. Brazil, Russia, Denmark, S. Korea, France, Italy, Germany, Lithuania, and of course the US and these are just a few places that I consistently see on the stats. I wonder about you. Who are you? What do you do? What are you going through? I don't know exactly what keeps 30-60'ish people coming back day after day, but I thank you. This blog has been soooo helpful to me. There is something freeing about writing and knowing that someone out there is reading it.

Well, I think I'll leave you with a little Oingo Boingo to show you my "Gratitude".

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