Tuesday, November 2, 2010


My thoughts are scattered tonight. At 10:30 it will be a week since Wicked died in my arms. That so weirds me out. I've seen plenty of dead people/animals. Just never been there for the moment of passing. His heart beat against mine and then it didn't. He was laying on my chest and I was breathing so hard because I was fucking hysterical so I thought that he was breathing too. I had to hold my breath to see that he had stopped breathing. I was screaming and pleading with I don't even know what, I guess with him to not leave me. I just remember I kept yelling, "No, no, no!!! Please, please, please!!!" Over and over and over. I can't stop replaying that image in my mind.

Evil is not bouncing back from this. I have to coax him out of hiding/moping/crying. It's killing me. He's way worse tonight. Like he knows it was a week ago. He's currently sitting where it happened. Zoe is faring better. I think it helps that Evil resembles Wicked. I know it helps me. I keep closing my eyes and pretending he's him. I even keep calling him Wiki. I NEVER mixed up the two before.

In other news, I'm researching the two acupuncture schools in town. I'm about equidistance from both. One is North and the other South. I have to see if it would be feasible to do while still working full-time and acquiring a good $50k of debt. I desperately want a change, and think this could well be it. Every time I see Peggy (my acupuncturist) I'm so fascinated by what she does. I see how much she helps me and I think it would rock to have a job that made people feel good. It would be the polar opposite of my current job. We'll see what comes of this.

I thought I had something funny to share, but I can't think of it now.

For tonight's song, I will let Mr. Williams serenade you. I have played this song about 50 times in the last couple weeks.
Fingers crossed that embedding isn't disabled.

son of a bitch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lh0-eAVakQY

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