Saturday, August 21, 2010

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

So 14 pics in one should keep this post short(er)!!! I forgot where the hell I found this so I can't give credit where it's due, but I thought it was lovely and sort of summed up my spirits of late.

The migraines tend to send me into a depression spiral, but not so much this time around. Last year when I was suffering through the summer I hadn't met my little team of awesome caregivers that I have this time around. It's made all the difference in the world. I mean I still get freaked out by them because I never know when they are going to strike, but I can bring them under control better and with the exception of two, they have not been as severe this year. I'll be honest, last year I started to get a bit desperate and thinking desperate thoughts. I'm soooooo not a suicide person, but the thought of having to constantly live in the pain I was in last year caused the idea to ruminate a bit. DO NOT WORRY. That's not even a thought now, but I'm in a phenomenally better place now.

I can't remember if it was during my last acupuncture session (I think it was) or the last therapy session ( I know I had the thought last Saturday), but it really struck me at how I ended up in Austin, right where it turns out, I needed to be. Initially, I just needed to get the fuck out of Florida fast. It really didn't matter where I headed. The only reason it was Austin was the day that everything blew up in FL, the only person I knew here posted several photos of Barton Springs and other pretty Austin things and I was like "go check it out". I came here for the Thanksgiving weekend '07 and as I drove my rental car to the Driskill (where I stayed) I said "This'll do". I hardly left my hotel that whole weekend (it was FUCKING cold that year) everyone working at the hotel said it was uncommonly cold. Next thing I knew two months later I was on my way here.

I would periodically lament the decision to come here. I was so desperate to leave that I felt I really just reached for the first thing, which I did, but suddenly this year I've seen why I came. I've never encountered people like the ones who have helped me this year. They are uncommon, completely and totally uncommon. Together they have helped me do the very thing I came here for - change my life. On a deep level. My consciousness is shifting. Things I have struggled with all my life are suddenly no longer a struggle at all. Suddenly, everything is clearer.

All the dreams I had and cast aside are resurfacing. As I was driving today the thought struck me that I truly can do anything I want to now. There is no one to hold me back. Now that has technically been true ever since leaving FL, but it wasn't. I left that prison, but just transfered facilities. I stayed locked up in the prison in my heart and mind. So what will I do now that I've been freed? Well I'm working on two things at present, just sort of getting my ducks in a row. I don't know how quickly the wheels will turn, but I feel like my ambition is returning so they could well start turning very quickly.


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