Monday, March 14, 2011

Raw Emotion

Okay the pic is hot, and definitely shows the raw emotion of passion/horniness - which I am feeling, but I'm feeling raw emotion on several fronts.

1) Japan - Christ, what can I say? It's unfathomable. I have only been in Tokyo's airport and after seeing a really fun episode of "Top Gear" a few weeks back added Japan to the list of countries to revisit as an adult. Now, I don't even know. My heart aches for them. I was crying as I watched the news tonight. I had been avoiding it because I wasn't up to it with the other things that have been going on.

2) The move - (happening first week of April) excited on some levels, freaked the fuck out on others.

3) The job - will it be there tomorrow? who knows. i know i'll be alright. fortunately, i have an awesome family. i also have awesome pride and i HATE relying on other people. so i hope a solid, new, fun, fulfilling opportunity surfaces AFTER THE MOVE.

4) The birthday - Going to be 36 in a month a four days. Thirty-six. I thought I'd have FutureBaby Max by now. I thought a lot of things would be by now. Life has not turned out like I thought it would. Not remotely. So far, I'm not liking how things are looking. So change them, right? Riiiiiiight. To what? What? I really don't know. All that meant anything to me is now long gone. There are new things that might potentially mean something to me, but it's all hypothetical right now.

5) My Grandparents - I worry about them. A lot. Am I selfish staying here? Should I have encouraged them to move here? They wanted to then I told them not to because I don't think I like Austin. I will be here for a bit though, so did I do the wrong thing? How much time do they have left?

6) My brother - I miss him.

7) My sister - Will we ever have a relationship?

8) My parents - Ehhhh, what to say?

9) My friends - am I slighting them? I get so very focused on me, and then suddenly read that one of them has had a problem or brush with something scary and I didn't even know. How much more wrapped up in myself can I possibly be?

10) Others - I grew up helping people in India. What the fuck am I doing now? NOTHING. Nothing of value. How can I see what I have seen and live the life I live?

I think I'll just stop there because I have myself crying now.


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