Sunday, March 13, 2011

"Death Is a Debt We All Must Pay." ~Euripides

My Grandparents lost a friend they had for over 60 yrs last night. He was a sweet man. He and his wife were very good to me the second time I moved to California. My husband up and left me (for the dozenth time) and I was stuck out there in San Diego. They took me in and helped me and made a horrible time so much better until my family got me back home (long story...all these sorts of stories of mine are).

Anyway, Grandmother was telling me how they (Grandfather, she, and this man) were "The Three Musketeers". He was married to another woman at the time, but I guess that was not a happy union. The woman I know was his 2nd wife. I've often heard stories about him and few other friends of theirs who have passed on in the last 5-10 yrs. It makes me wonder what that must feel like. The certainty that you or your friends will die - soon.

I've thought a lot about death in the last year. Well I always have, but more so lately. I was at the doctor the other day for panic attacks and I have to keep filling out this mental health questionnaire. (She thinks I'm bi-polar or in some way off). I answer everything as honestly as I can including the "Do you have thoughts of killing yourself." I do. Just not now. I just think of it more as an option should I ever find out I'm really sick. What's the point of making it to 80 and suffering? None that I see. This would be the advantage of never having kids. I couldn't do something like that if I had children left behind. If there is no one though, I think it's a perfectly viable option. Other than religious guilt, which fades a bit more each year, I don't see anything wrong with it. It's your life. Why shouldn't you have the ultimate control over it.

To the people who actually know me who are reading this: Don't Worry! I'm fine!! Just talking about the things that we aren't supposed to talk about. Why not? Death is a part of Life.

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