Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Ways You Give Away Your Power: Playing the Martyr
I've burned myself out on self-help, but spending so much time in reflection I have noticed some things. Some I notice because I see traits in others that I find wildly repulsive, but most others I see in myself. A big stumbling block of mine is giving away my power. So I was doing a bit of research on it last night and stumbled upon a completely awesome blog post on "Waking Up Groggy" entitled "10 Ways You Might Be Giving Your Power Away". I was so captivated by it, I felt compelled to write about them. I don't know if I will write about all 10 as, thank god, I don't have all 10 to overcome.
The first one "Playing the Martyr". I have stumbled with this one. Going to direct copy from what "W.U.G." wrote:
"The martyr is the one who sees themselves as the saviour, the only one who steps in when no one else seems to care, sacrificing themselves for someone in need.
Some of you might think it’s not only good but admirable to give up your own life for the sake of another…it’s not. You aren’t going to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped and you definitely aren’t going to help someone by weakening yourself. It doesn’t mean you walk away from someone who’s in distress and needs help, but at some point enough is enough.
I find that people who do this put themselves in a situation that mirrors a past conflict or personal pain. The belief behind it being this time they can make it right and it will exonerate them from their own pain, like a karmic debt however it never works out that way. Worry about yourself and let others walk their chosen path…. sometimes people need to come to things on their own time, in their own way and it’s important to discern when not to interfere."
I wasted 15 years playing the martyr. Actually more probably, but in the major relationship of my life I totally thought that I was needed. That I was the only one that could help this person. Wow. It plays well with my Narcissism. This led me to contemplate the difference between a Victim and a Martyr. I found this article "Overcoming the Role of Victim or Martyr" on Livestrong.com
Here are 20 differences between being a Victim and a Martyr
Victim : Martyr
1. Usually has short-term problem : Long-term problem
2. Motivated to change : Stuck in their problem
3. Rights violated by others : Rights violated by others
4. Did not choose the problem : Chooses to remain in problem situation
5. Never complains : Complains all the time
6. Lacks insight into problem : Frequently has insight into the problem
7. Unknowingly plays an active part in the problem : Frequently knowingly plays an active part in the problem
8. Doesn't often seek help : Seeks help all the time
9. Wants to let go of the problem : Holds on to the problem
10. Guilt free : Guilt driven
11. Solution oriented : Problem oriented
12. Powerless due to lack of knowledge : Powerless out of a free will choice to be so
13. Unique problem : Habitual problems
14. Sincere desire to change : Mask of sincerity
15. Honest to self and others about the problem : Dishonest to self and others about the desire to change
16. Hesitant to get help : Seeks out help habitually
17. Reticent to talk about problem : Relishes the attention received in talking about the problem
18. Embarrassed about the problem : Wears problem as a badge of courage (purple heart)
19. Wants a quick solution to their crisis : Creates crises out of everything but blocks all solutions
20. Open to all new ideas : Holds a "yes, but" attitude to all new ideas
Read more: livestrong.com/article/14732-overcoming-the-role-of-victim-or-martyr/#ixzz2U1QJ7qWl
I'll end it there. As I stated, I fell into the Martyr category. I see many others around who do as well, and I'm sure there plenty more who do that I'm not aware of.
Hope this helps someone. If not, don't worry. There are 9 more that might resonate with you.