Dreams

I'm a big dreamer. I have extremely vivid dreams. They are often so vivid that I am not 100% they didn't happen especially when they involve people in my life.

Lately I have been dreaming that I'm pregnant. I think I'm dreaming that nightly. I had a dream a few nights back that I was going to have an abortion. I was terrified and the doctor who was going to perform it was soooooo kind. He was almost God-like in the dream. He told me "No matter what you do, every thing will be alright." I remember weeping and then needing to find someone who has become my go to person for anything huge that I'm dealing with. That dream was so strong that I actually shared it with my Grandmother.

Then last night I'm pregnant again, but I wasn't showing but I was lactating (sorry, I know it's gross). It was so weird.

I know I'm dealing with a lot of change, but it's just weird that I'm dreaming about it in this fashion where I never have before.

Maybe I'm going to be the 2nd Immaculate Conception.

MasterMind Connection

I know I blogged about this when I first discovered it a few months back, but I haven't acted on it. I'm a member of a Yahoo group and members are periodically added and the leader asks us to introduce ourselves, but I haven't. I'm so freaked out that this will be like church, even though it is NOT like any church I have been to either Catholic nor Protestant (since I'm a 1/2 & 1/2).

I finally stepped up the other night and declared that I'm a member of the group, but that I'm a total newbie (in fact that's what I titled my post) and this man who is the leader of the Intro to MasterMind out of Unity Church of the Hills introduced himself and invited me this Sunday as the 2nd Sunday of each month is a special intro for newbies!! : )

I really think I'm going to go, but I have been panicking about it for 2 days now. I'm so anti-church, yet I miss church.

I wish I could get back the good safe feeling I used to have at church. Maybe I will at this one. It's definitely not my Family's church.

We shall see. I'm leaving myself the option of not going (as did the leader of the group), but as he also said "...I just trust that you will follow your divine guidance on Sunday. We have these into to master mind discussions every second Sunday of the month so no harm if you can’t make it but it’s my guess that you will. Feeling that you are in charge of your life is a good thing in the midst of transition so listen to your heart and you’ll be glad you did. Always!..."

So we shall see...kinda think I'm going. All that I have going on, I could stand some MasterMind Connection.

Here's the link to the 7 steps in case you are wondering what it is.

http://www.unityhills.org/programs/groups/7steps.htm

The Game Is Afoot, Mother-F--kahs!!!

Okay. So the other day I alluded to 5 "Changes". A few people have asked me what they are so I'll go ahead and say. I didn't want to because I think there are some people reading this that I don't particularly care to share my life with, but what the fuck.

1) Dwelling (done)

2) Career (in progress, I do believe)

3) Finances (currently $15k in debt, will be debt-free with a healthy nest-egg)

4) Health/Fitness (I have BALLOONED UP (30 lbs) since moving to Austin, this is no longer acceptable)

5) Relationship (As someone who was in a relationship from the second she was legal till 3 yrs ago, I'm done being alone. I've proved I can do it. Now I'm ready to be in a relationship with an awesome guy who is NOT a manchild)

So those are the Five Changes. One has been accomplished and the others will in their respective times so the numbers currently assigned are subject to change.

I told a good friend today that I'm sick of mediocrity. I meant in others, but I really mean in my own life. After all, the things we despise in others is what we see in ourselves. I see it in others and I really see it in me. I'm not talking about being a perfect, cookie-cutter Stepford Wife phony. I just mean the best version of CarlaMarie that I can possibly be.


(the photo doesn't have anything to do with this post other than the title and I liked it.) :P

Before That Sun Goes Down

Post 500: Five Changes

I deliberately put off posting the last couple days as I knew this post would be my 500th. I didn't want it to be a post of frivolity although I do love a good frivol (I know it's not a noun, but I don't care).

There are five things I'm changing in my life. The first just happened. The remaining four, I hope, will happen this year. Two I have pretty strong control over, two I'm rather at the mercy of others. I'm determined to make all four changes though.

When I make up my mind about these things, I get very restless. Once I know what I want, I absolutely obsess about it.

So if you're around me and I'm distracted, I apologize. If I'm not around, I apologize. Some times I get withdrawn when I'm in this mode.

Finally Moving

"Whoooooooaaaa, sometimes I get a good feeling yeah.
Get a feeling that I never, never, never, never had before no, no.
I get a good felling, yeah." : P

Starting Over

Something I used to dread (Change) has become something I kind of love/need now. In fact, I get so stressed when it seems everything is status quo. I'm so excited for the changes that this particular new start will bring me. I feel that the first three years here were sort of a grieving period and now I'm done with that.

A friend wrote me the most awesome email today that touched me beyond words, "Hey, girlie….have fun opening the “next chapter” in your wonderful life…."

That really sums it up doesn't it?