Monday, October 29, 2012


I was having a conversation with Grandmother yesterday, as I do every day. She's my sounding board for it all - career, men, random things - she's who I go to. The last couple weeks I have definitely done a lot of soul searching. I was completely lost, and really had been since I landed here in 2008. I have viewed my time in Austin as a giant misstep and a series of misadventures that served little to no purpose.

Having this time to step back and look at were I was is turning out to be invaluable in shaping where I'm heading. I now have a far more solid vision of what I want out of life starting from here. My priorities have changed to be sure. I have more and more of a clear view of who I am and what I'm capable of. I also have a crystal clear view of what I absolutely refuse to put up with anymore. I have wasted so much time dealing with people's nonsense, lies, uncertainty, etc. That's ending.

I'll no longer ally myself with people who do not support, encourage, uplift, or comfort me. Since this is a two-way street, I would expect the same from them if I fail to be useful to them. Life is too short to be dragged down by those who don't serve a useful purpose in our lives.

I intend to break with Mediocrity, we've been bedfellows for far too long. As a part of his Build Carla Up Campaign, Grandfather has been emailing me photos, letters, etc of my past achievements to remind me of what I have accomplished and encouraging to push forward to even greater accomplishments. His campaign is working. I'm getting a better idea of what I want to do next in my career. I'm probably going to have to open my job search to a nationwide search, as I'd be surprised to find anything in my field here - but never say never.

So what do I want out of life as of right now?

-Love, respect, admiration from a man who lifts me up and I him

-A job that utilizes my talents and challenges me in an effective manner

-A way to give back that speaks to me - I'm WAY too self-centered

There are other things I want, but these are the big ones. The thing I love about my current list is that I have really thrown the gates wide open in the last week. I'm used to what I want having a very specific look and feel. I'm leaving it far more abstract now. I have the general ideas, but I don't really know what they look like. That's huge for me. Normally I have it planned down to the little intricate details. Not now. I'll let it flow to me in whatever form it takes. I just know that I'll not accept anything that doesn't meet my needs.

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