Thursday, February 14, 2013

Love: It TRULY Is the Thought That Counts

This is my 37th Valentine's Day. I have mixed feelings about this day. I DO agree that it's a commercialism nightmare. How many trinkets, baubles, chocolates, flowers, dinners do we really need? Yet, we're made to feel like we are missing something if we don't have the day acknowledged in some form or fashion.

I thought I was above all this nonsense until last year when my live-in bf did NOTHING for the day. He thought because of my hatred of conventionality that zero acknowledgment of the day was the way to go. We both learned he was wrong. I was STUNNED how upset I was. As I told him, "You're a writer, you couldn't have written something nice to me?" That was yet another great reminder that I never feel more alone than when I'm "with" someone. For my part, I was unemployed (I know right?) and he was using my car to get to his job. So I walked to the store and got all the makings of a romantic dinner and a sweet card. This, of course, made his grievous error all the more painful.

This year, I expected nothing from today since I am unattached, but was very pleasantly surprised by several gestures done for me. Text messages of "Happy Valentine's Day", thoughtful emails, and my favorite of all a Sonnet by Shakespeare - that is all I want. I don't want things. I was with someone who liked to buy my love. You can't. Mine's not for sale. I just want a sweet, thoughtful gesture. I'm really a cheap date. :)

I'm in a weird place right now. Trying to figure out if I really want to be with anyone or not. Seeing I have people in my life who make me feel not alone even though I'm not tied to them makes me think that I could have the best of both worlds if I just embrace solitude and yet keep my heart open to the love around me. I don't know. The bottom line has not been written. All I know is that for me, it is the thought that counts. As long as I have people in my life thinking of me and DEMONSTRATING that - I'm quite satisfied.

Happy Valentine's Day to you all. I, more than likely, love you in my own weird little way. <3

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