It's All Fun & Games (With Apologies to Morrissey)

My friend and I have countless games we've invented over the last five years that entertain us. Our original and best is called HIO ("Heard in Office"). This is for any sentence heard out of context that sounds vaguely or overtly sexual. If you listen, you hear them ALL the time. "I can't get it up.", you hear this countlessly about some program, file, what have you, it's almost not even fun anymore. "He keeps putting things in my box." Then the fun with in-box and out-box, well I am sure you get the point.

HIO was more my invention as I recall, but he come up with THEE BEST game this week. It's sort of a game of non-sequiturs. Ex: "...but birthdays spent in prison don't count." That was my favorite one of his. My best work, or at least the one that got him was "...when the lights came on, I learned the woman crying next to me was actually Morrissey...". He told me he wanted that one engraved in stone so I did one of my killer photoshop jobs (another game of mine because I SUCK at it, it's funny).

The reason I'm sharing this is because THIS IS MY FAVORITE and I need more people playing the game with me. So if you see me, nail me with one of these. Here is one more example for you, "It's much easier to exhume a body in Montana than say Kentucky."

Okay, now let's start the game!!!

And I'm sorry, Morrissey, I love you.

Minimalism: It's Just Stuff

I have a couple of "resolutions" for 2011, but the biggest is the simplest. To embrace minimalism. I'm so suffocated by all my possessions. I get this way periodically and normally just want to burn everything so I end up tossing or giving away my things. This time, I'm going to get wise and sell my stuff. Every thing. Every thing. Every thing. I'll only keep what is essential to me. Once I have downsized, if I see that I'm staying in Austin (the scales are tipped a bit more that way this week) then I'm probably going to downscale the home. I won't need all this space. Then with the ohhhh $500-$600 I'd save... I can go fly!!! : )

Just saying "Simplify" I feel like a load is being lifted off my chest.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8J52yYWaaco&feature=related

Back Off, Jack Off

Anyone ever set off your Creep Meter? Perhaps you can't explain why, but they just do. I used to talk myself out of that, but I resolved mid-year that I wasn't going to do that any more. So I'm getting rather cut-throat about cutting off people who I find say, disconcerting. Perhaps they have not overtly done anything, but there is that "get away from me" feeling that they cause.

So there is one person in particular who struck again today. I was put off by the this person from almost the get-go, but we had a common interest and I talked myself into socializing via internet/ph. He was far away in the NE, and so what harm could it do? Suddenly he was coming to Texas and moving down South and leaving his wife and blah blah blah. I got super-concerned and I tried to distance myself from him, I had NO interest in him at all and I thought I came off rather cool and distant from the start. That's how I am if I don't like you. You can hang meat around me. I can be icy.

I eventually did my periodic FB purge that I do and he was the first to go. I was not comfortable with him being on my page, and I really didn't want to be reminded of him. So a bit of time lapses. I don't even know how much now because this has happened so often, but I get a friend request from him. I can't remember. I might have let him back in the first time. I'm thinking that I did, and I couldn't shake the feeling and so I deleted him again. I think. I mean he's calling me, I give in and chat with him, etc. So it's not merely that he added me on FB. It's really not. It's just every thing. The last phone call or two is what really did me in. I won't get into specifics, but it was just a lot of drama. Anyway. So if I did add him again, I eventually defriended and when he noticed he sent the request again. Now this is where I start to really get a bit freaked out. Now if he were to have said, "Hey, why blah blah blah". I would have told him. I really would have, but I figured "I have been defriended before. My vulgarity etc turns people off and they defriend me. I never go whining to them about it. I figure, 'NEXT!!'" So I assumed he would do the same or at the worst ask me why, I'd have to come clean and probably make him feel a bit bad, but that would end this business. So anyway, he just sends a friend request like it's nothing. I just ignore it. Perhaps a month goes by. Again. And again I "ignore" it. Then again. And again. And AGAIN. I finally block him. I'm really getting freaked out by it.

So today comes and I've gotten a couple of requests and sent a couple myself in the last week or two so I was not as vigilant as I should have been, but the person that I accepted was not his name. I did it from by Blackberry at the office. It was not a pic of him either. It wasn't until later that I struck me, this new friend's name was an anagram of his own name. I felt like Rosemary in "Rosemary's Baby" when she learned Roman Castavet was Stephen Marcato. I mean WHAT THE FUCK??? I guess that's how he got around me blocking him and before all that he apparently took my profile photo and shared it on his page. It was just one of those someecards, but Jesus. I thought I had my FB on lockdown (precisely because of this sort of thing). Also I see that he's in the area. So I have been beyond not comfortable all day.

Now, I'm sure some of the blame lies with me. I should have told him from the beginning to back off, but based on what? He had not 'done' anything per se, but holy shit is he baring out all I was thinking in the beginning. So as soon as I got home, I defriended him and blocked his new moniker. I hate having my FB profile on private because I love to fantasize that my ex-husband and Jon Hamm are FB stalking me. I mean I may not want THIS guy stalking, but the right ones are okay. :P

French Bathroom Games

I created a new blog today. I've been planning to for a few weeks now. I have a 'writing project' of sorts. Just more of my pure goofiness. I'm going to write love letters to men real and imagined. I am hoping that if I find I have a flair for it that perhaps I'll have enough entries to be publishable. Perhaps. It's a lark for now.

Why the title of the blog. I don't know. I friend and I were writing back and forth and I misread something he wrote as "French Bathroom Games" and my mind went wild with it. I envision bidets and powdered wigs. I posted a couple things about it on my yelp profile and lady asked me about it today saying she even tried to google it. Well, I figured this is a winner so I since I had no other name in mind I choose this. I think it suits it. French - because I can be pretentious at times (sorry, France). Bathroom - because I'm frequently lowbrow. Games because I'm ALWAYS in a giddy, playful mood - well unless I fucking hate you.

So yeah. New blog. I think you can link over to it through my blogger profile. I will work on getting it synced with Facebook and might give FBG it's own twitter page... or not. Don't know yet.

For my first love letter, I think it will be to one Mr. Adrien Brody. YO, Adriiieeen!!!!!

5,000 Hits? Really, I'm Not THAT Interesting...

By the time 2 of you click on this, this little labor of love/hate will have reached its 5,000 views. Thank you for reading and being there with me through this tumultuous year.

Love you guys,

Car

Epiphanies--All Over This Mother Part ? 3, 4?

I forget, but I had a HUGE one today as I soared above Austin. HUGE. HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE. It's no secret I have walls up. We all know and see that. It's no secret I run. We all know that too. What hit me thousands of feet above the ground was this "I'm FUCKING PETRIFIED of anything that I don't have utter and complete control over." So I have been keeping my life very small and safe the last few years. So as this played out in my mind, I wondered "Do I really hate Austin?" Hates a strong word, but I do almost feel hatred at times for it here. I need to let this fully soak in, but I see it permeates every thing. EVERY thing. If it's simple, safe, a sure thing I'm all for it. If not, fuck it. Run on, run on, run on. That's why I need so many new things. I keep looking for new things, they scare me, then I run some more.

I don't know if I'm expressing it well, but it makes total sense to me and now I see it as an epic challenge to myself. Suss out what terrifies me and run toward it (unless it's burning building). Obviously, I'll stay away from the true dangers, but I really need to sack up and face life. Like I used to. I was fearless until Jun 11, 2007 when my life fell apart. I've not been alright since then. I think that what I discovered today, just might be a colossal step back on my former fearless path.

I'll write more about my flying experience tomorrow perhaps. This revelation has been most overwhelming. (but if you go to my yelp account you can read the review of my experience there)

I Blame Christopher Plummer - Among Others

I started watching "The Sound of Music" when I was the age of the youngest VonTrapp child and now I must be damn close to Capt VonTrapp's age (we shan't go there). Mr. Plummer as Capt VonTrapp was one of my very first crushes and like most of my first crushes, played a character that was a bit of dick. The next one that comes to mind was Rex Harrison as Prof. Higgins in "My Fair Lady". I blame these fictional characters for my love of dickish men. But ohhhh, how I do love them.

Side note. As I grew up traveling with my Grandparents sometimes our birthdays would fall in place around the world we were less than fond of, so we would reserve the right to pick a city that we were going to hit during the particular trip to celebrate our days. I think I picked Salzburg 3 or 4 times (Grandmother & Grandfather did a few times themselves) :)

I guess the copyrights around TSOM are intense because this is THEE best video I could find that showcases an actual song from the film between the Capt and Maria. If I ever remarry, I think I'll sing this song at my wedding. Or that other song that I completely cannot remember at the moment.

It's a Wonderful Life...

Last night I watched the film with Grandfather. He hadn't seen it in awhile. I've seen it 70,000 times as I love it. But I got a whole new thing out of it last night. I had seen it last week, and didn't get the same message. The reason I got so much out of it was due to my friends. I have never felt so genuinely loved as I do right now. Never. I have had a lot of love in my life, but I couldn't feel it. I had so many walls up. I still have some, but they are crumbing. And I feel love and loved.

At the end of IAWL, George Bailey opens Clarence's book and the attached photo is a screenshot of what he saw. I have been going through so much and nothing has panned out as I hoped, BUT my God, do I have friends. True Friends. And as Clarence said "...no man is a failure who has friends." That touched me so much last night, I can't even express it.

To all my friends of the past, present, and the future --- I love you.

I'm So Flippin' Happy!!!

Man, have my friends BROUGHT IT the last two days. Seriously, it's been insane how awesome they've been. My Grandparents love them and I love them for being so loving and amazing to the people I love the most. And it's not over yet!!!

Hmmm, Key West is going to have to seriously bring it to win in Austin vs. Key West showdown.

I feel just like the guy in this video except I can't wear my white suits until after Easter...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=So93Iny2HWI

Operation: HIDE THE CONTRABAND --- Complete

I hope. Most people I'm sure have to hide things when their parental units visit. I have to do a bit more than that. I have to get cunning. Why? Well let me tell you why.

I had a special, secret, totally innocuous place where I hid my "toys". Well I was in the middle of a crazy move back in FL. I was moving into the house that I would end up leaving to come to Austin. I thought I had allllll the things that needed to be hidden safe and with me. I felt my stomach flip when I saw that 'the stash' was in a batch of stuff that my Grandmother brought over. I was sick, but then assured myself that the move was so crazy she would in no way have any time to go through my things.

I'm settled in to my home. I decide to visit my stash. I open it...MY WEDDING ALBUM WAS SITTING ON TOP OF THE TOYS!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, I'm still shaken by this. Extremely shaken. We have never spoken of it in true our family fashion. I just know and really that's all that it takes. That's all it takes.

I DEFY anyone to find anything from the new diversions, because OF COURSE I had to destroy the others.

And now a song from the album "Contraband". See, it all connects.

The False Husband

Where have you been, my darling
Where have you been, my friend
Where have you been, my darling
Where have you been, my friend

A crow flew past my window sill
Stole me away from you until
You change your heart or change your will
Aren't you darling

Where have you been, my darling
Where have you been, my friend
Where have you been, my darling
Where have you been, my friend

And all the while that you would burn
Your tongue was working overtime
Love foregone and life's so good
Aren't you darling

In my words I cherry picked
Something fought and died today
With all our words I care not say
I need you darling

I've been chasing up loftier mountains
Be it against my will
You keep telling me “don't get no higher”
But I'll be higher still

Where have you been, my darling
Where have you been, my friend

They Made Up Their Minds...

and they started packing... Hmmm, I'm working on a move to Key West and this is the anniversary of Tony and I packing up, not telling our families where we were going, and moving to California (for the SECOND time). I love I totally forgot about that. I up and go so much that it doesn't even register. At least now I tell people. So that's progress I guess.

Something has come up in Austin though. Might be a rather big opportunity that I'd be stupid to walk away from. Sooooo, I may have to put a pin in KW --- for now. If I get my career on track, that WOULD be worth sticking around for.

Mad As Hell

I'm sure it's been abundantly clear to the regular C-Cham blog reader that I'm angry. I have always had a latent rage. I joke and chalk it up to my South American blood the cliche "Hotted-Headed Latin Temper". This goes beyond that. Something has snapped in me since Wicked & Evil died. I don't necessarily think it's a bad "snapping" either. Sort of a call to action if you will. For what? Well I think to finally live MY life. I spent the first 18 yrs living my parents/grandparents life (really that carries over to the present, but in a less-amplified version). Then I spent the next 15 yrs trying to be whatever the fuck my enigma of an ex-husband wanted. Then the next 3 yrs was just trying to figure out what I wanted, I still don't fucking know. I know I'm angry, -with myself predominately. I'm so head-strong, so how did I get swept along bending to others' will? What is my will? I really am not sure. I have a notion. That's it. Just a notion.

I think I'm just writing this to say to whomever is reading this --- I'm having a really hard time, I know it will be better, but it's not right now and I just need to say that. Every time I try to say this to about 90% of the people I talk to they tell me "not say that", "don't feel that way", "You're so (fill in the wonderful thing about me), you'll be fine". Yes, I know. Every thing WILL be okay. It's not okay now, OKAY? I'm not going to slash my wrists. I'm just trying to say, that things are not fine right now. Not by a long shot. I'm working to make them fine and I hope to Christ that shit starts going my way again, but fucking hell. I just want to be able to say that shit is fucked up right now without the "no, no, no don't say that" retorts.

On the plus side I had a kickass bread pudding tonight from Fresh Plus. Tempted to have it at my party. Seeeeee!!! I'm fine. I still can think about food and parties!! : P

2011: Things Can Only Get Better - I Hope

Wow, I reread my first post on this blog, and it's absolutely epic my level of obliviousness regarding the pummeling I was about to get as this year played out. So much hope. Just as much as I have for next year. I guess that is what keeps me going. I always do think that things will get better. Well, I think I do. I was talking to Grandmother about one of two things that could keep me in Austin. She said "That could easily happen.". I said, "I'm not expecting it to. Every thing always works out for me, but I never get what I want." I was surprised to hear myself say that. I really meant it too. I am well taken care of, you can't dispute that. Many people think that I'm blessed and, to a degree, I will agree. I never do get what it is I want though. That's frustrating to me.

I love that I was to have lost 50 pounds and instead gained another ohhh 15-20. I need to get that sorted ASAP if I am moving to Key West. Can't be fat there. Here, who cares. I never want to be out doing anything anyway. Grandmother was freaking out on my behalf regarding living on an island and feeling cut off. I DO live on and island and feel cut off. I feel stranded here.

So Universe, either thing #1 or thing #2 had better happen soon because I'm really about done.

(I love these people in this picture. They look so happy with there HUGE medallions.)

I'm Smart!!!!!

Yes, I'm watching "The Godfather" again. Actually I'm watching II, but you no doubt got that from the quote and pic. Such a great movie. Seeing Pacino and Cazale together makes me want to see "Dog Day Afternoon". I love that film too.

I'm pretending that I'm not going to have company in four days (because I'm not remotely ready). It will sort itself out. Just not sure where everyone will sit. I have a big dining table, but not big enough. So we shall improvise. I have plenty of seating (3 sofas) just not in the form of chairs. Oh well, I'm not going to worry about it (yes, I am). I will figure it out though. Becauuuuse. I'M SMART!!! NOT LIKE EVERYBODY SAYS!!!...

Try Walking in My Shoes

Because I was having a hell of a time today. How do brand new shoes break? I've had favorite shoes that I have worn out break for sure, but this was first for new. I wore them yesterday for maybe a couple hours then the first hour of the day - broken. I bought them a year ago or more so I don't even know who to go back to about them. I mended the broken shoe (that caused me to stumble 4 times) with a gold binder clip, I can't really leave it like that. Of course I really like the shoes. So I don't know what to do. Considering super glue if it's not visible. Don't know if that will work though.

Tough problem, I know.

Scattered Thoughts

How the hell did I accumulate so much stuff again? I'm one woman. ONE. I have so much stuff. I downsized from a 3 bedroom, living room, den, and full dining room back in FL, enough to move into a small one bedroom apt when I moved here. How the hell did I get all this stuff??? This house is full. I'm overwhelmed. If I move, I just want to pack a few sentimental things (since the most my sentiments are negative it should be a light packing) the cat and go. I don't want any encumbrances. If I go. I'm seeing a few good options housing-wise, but as expected, little job-wise. I told Grandmother that I could just open up a little place that rents jet-skis or something. She laughed pretty hard at that. I wasn't really joking. That has an appeal. She also asked me what I would do there. I guess same as I do here, but just on the ocean. I know this is all just a big romantic notion right now, but that's fine. It's mine.

A couple of cool places I saw were in Key Largo and of course I can't get this song out of my head. I was laughing so hard watching this video.

Waited So Long

Man, I went from shitty to giddy today when I decided to really explore moving to Key West. I mean all of my big life goals revolve around living oceanside, but I had it in my mind that would be well in my 40's or 50's. Why? Maybe the time is now. Maybe that's why every thing I try here doesn't pan out. No man, no job, no anything takes off. Perhaps I'm in the wrong place? I don't know. It's a stretch. I'm way in debt and I'd love to get out of it before I move, but maybe that's just an excuse to put off what I should be doing now. I think I'd just sell EVERY THING. Take the cat and the car and this Car and go. It would require the perfect storm of events going just right. If not, then I won't go. I'm not going from what feels like one mistake to another. I'll be smarter this time since my emotions aren't involved. If anything, I'd be tempted to stay as I have come to care about a few people here. So much to ponder. I'll start exploring job options there. I'm thinking that could take a year to find the right opportunity. No doubt it's a "you have to no someone" scenario. No doubt I probably do, I just have to ask my family and except for my brother tonight (who is HELLA on board) I'm not announcing anything.

Perhaps nothing will come of this, of course many scoffed at the notion of me moving to Texas...

Home

I'm strongly considering moving back to Florida. Zoe is not that difficult to move and nothing is panning out here. I was going to give Austin five years. I don't think that I will. I'll probably give it through 2011 to see what develops. If nothing, I think it will be time to move on. I'd like to head to California, but with the disastrous career move I made in coming here it will no doubt take me 3-5 yrs to dig out of this massive debt I'm now in. So Florida would be the best bet.

Ohhhh, 2011, please turn it all around.

Champagne Makes Sorrow a Bit Less Sorrowful

Most people drink Champagne to celebrate. I usually drink it to remind me that even when things aren't going my way that this is only temporary. There was something that I really had hoped would happen for me. It would have been a really big opportunity to turn every thing around and it's looking pretty bleak right now. I was going to say that I wasn't that sad, but I teared up writing the last sentence so I'm lying to myself. Christ, I just want to turn this ship around so fucking bad and I really don't know how. I really don't.

But, the champagne that's fizzing ever so slightly next to me reassures me that this too shall pass...

Because It's 6 a.m., and I'm Already in a Sick Mood...

I still can't get over how much he looks like Bale.

All Men Should Wear Smoking Jackets...

I have several "All Men Shoulds".

Example 1: All men should have beards or at least not shave for several days. It's hot.

Example 2: All men should be 37 or older (it's when the maturity thing really starts working for you)

Well another should is "the smoking jacket". Although in my research for this post I think it needs to be revised to all men 37 and up (35 if you're mature) because all the models wearing them in the photos I saw looked preposterous.

As I stated, I did a bit of research (wikipedia). Did you know that they were designed to protect men's clothing when they smoked? It would absorb the scent and protect from ash. Did you know that Fred Astaire was buried in his? It's true Wikipedia NEVER lies!!

"In the 1850s, the Gentlemen's Magazine of London defined the smoking jacket as a 'kind of short robe de chambre, of velvet, cashmere, plush, merino or printed flannel, lined with bright colours, ornamented with brandenbourgs, olives or large buttons.'" direct quote from Wiki who took it from Derek McCormack's "Consider the Smoking Jacket". Oh, I do, Derek. I do.

So yeah, Men. Be 37 or older, have a beard, and wear a smoking jacket. Although, with the smoking jacket clean shaven might actually be better, unless it's a really rocking beard. One that said, "I'm a professor with tenure". Ohhh, be a professor!! Or some other profession that commands respect or a lumberjack, because they're okay too.

I may need to refine my What Makes a Man list.

Lose the Battle/Win the War

I am anti-microwave ovens. I feel that they make me lazy and that I don't put the proper attention into my cooking when I have one. So unless it's been a built in at the condo or in the apartment I was in when I first moved here I have not had one. Grandmother has DESPERATELY wanted to buy me every time I have been without one. I learned that she was secretly planning on bringing me one a few months back and I freaked out over it.

Well. Today I acquiesce. I have opened up my home from Thursday Dec 23 to Sunday the 26th to all my friends in Austin, so I am going to have to have several things prepared ahead of time. Even for just the family dinners, I really will need one. So Grandmother was once again hot on the trail of finding me one today. She and Grandfather decided though that they are heavy and large and they are already bringing so many things to me that they should buy it online and ship it to me or I should go get it myself. So I went and got it. I went right to the computer, straight to Overstock, and my Cuisinart is on its way.

I plan on having potlucks at my place perhaps once a month in the new year, so it will definitely come in handy. I give in...this time.

Meanwhile I have to figure out what the hell is going on with my oven. I think the maids used something in it last time that's causing the whole thing to smoke up. It's really bad. I guess I need to suck it up and let it burn off. It's setting off the fire alarm and that is alarming to me but more importantly to Zoe. Trying to keep every thing on an even keel over here.

Every Thing IS Beautiful

You know how you have an epiphany and then you sort of forget it, then it comes up again...and again...and again? Well I now have photo I can look at to remind me of this particular one. I constantly have to be reminded that there is beauty all around me - if I just look and am open to it. I'm the sort that gets out of sorts if things are going how I think they should and I fall blind to all the beauty that is around me. I'm then reminded by various people in my life or at times just something in me will shake me and remind me that there is beauty every where.

My friend Amanda's photo that you see here was taken in an HEB (local market) parking lot. I'm still reeling. From the beauty for sure, and then on top of it where she took it. See, I'd have missed this. I hate HEB, with a passion that burns hotter than a thousand suns. So yeah, I'd have not seen this at all. This photo is definitely a reminder that there is beauty all around me. I just need to see it.

For the song, I'm using what to me is THEE most beautiful song ever

Virginia Rodrigues "Deus Do Fogo e Da Justica"

Marry Me, Gary Oldman

Because of this...




and this... (sometimes, I do this laugh almost as well as you)

You Know You've Always Had It Coming

Love this remix of "Shoot You Down"

Selling Out

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Several things have brought up the topic for me lately so since I can't focus on anything else to write about I'll go with this.

I have felt rudderless most of my adult life. I didn't follow my dream, I followed what I was told to do. So I feel that precious little has gone right for me professionally. I mean if you don't give a shit, how can it? I do alright, but that's it. I'm the picture of mediocrity. So how did I get here?

Well a promising young Carla had nothing but time on her little hands in India so she did nothing, but study. She finished all her English & Literature through Grade 12 in her preteens. Don't even remember how early, but early. So her Grandmother figured that we should get the other courses out of the way as well and we could be done with this whole home school thing. I was finished with all high school course work at 14. I started college at 16. At 18, I had my Associates degree. Now what? What do you want to do with your life. I wanted to study film. I took a class and loved it. NOPE!!! They were not paying for anything frivolous. I can respect that, but I could have gotten every single job I ever had if I just had a Bachelors OF ANYTHING. It really mattered very little. So I struggled. I think I had 5 majors. I can't remember. Education, Pre-Law, Pre-Med, Psychology I feel there was another, but I can't even remember now. I was changing majors like they were outfits. I had no idea what I wanted to do. So some big stuff happened that I can't talk about here, and life took a MAJOR detour for me. (This would be the California years). When I eventually come back home to FL, not by choice, I am presented with "You can get your BA in Organizational Management". UNCLE!!!! You win. I will go the practical route.

I have worked one job after another that just feels like it's absolutely raping my soul. I don't know what to do about it though. I really don't. I've now graduated to stop-starting work on my Masters so many times that I have again lost track.

I feel like I sold myself out, but stupidly. I didn't even sell out in something lucrative. Just mediocre. Not that a big payday justifies it, but shit, it helps. So I am in the same quandary today that I was 10 years ago. Will I be singing this same worn out song in another 10 years?

Don't get me wrong. I don't think that if I had stuck to my guns and followed through with Film that I'd be up on stage at the Oscars. I just feel that I short-changed myself and for what? What I do, day in and out is MEANINGLESS. I just don't know what to do to get this back on track, or hell go completely off the tracks. Whatever this is supposed to be in relation to railroad tracks. :)

One Loooong Fortnight Lies Ahead

It's that time again. Time to fast. I feel soooo exhausted. I know it's a lot of what has happened the last several weeks, but I need energy. So time to fast. That always makes me feel better. Well eventually. So fair warning. If I curse your mother and the horse you rode in on, I apologize. I'm just hungry.

Today "Inception" comes out. I hope to have it by Christmas weekend (bought it online $9, I'm such a great bargain hunter!!)

The pic is by Suzanne Ives it's called "Fortnight". I really like it.

The song has nothing to do with a fortnight, but feels like she could have used the word "fortnight" in it. Well, I'm just talking out my ass now so I'll stop. Ohhhh, I wonder what my blog posts will be like during the fast!!!

May Their First Child Be a Masculine Child

Can you believe I could find 50 "leave the gun, take the cannoli" clips, but not one of Luca Brasi doing "Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on the wedding day of your daughter. May their first child be a masculine child." What the hell?

Anyway, I am OVER THE MOON!!!!! My favorite person is with child!!!! No not me. Okay, so my 2nd favorite person is with child. :P

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited!!! This is THEE most excited I've ever been hearing someone was pregnant. Normally I'm totally indifferent or moderately pleased. I don't know why it doesn't fill me with the joy that it does most women, but THIS time. This time I'm STOKED!!!! I think because I kind of thought that she and I would be the two who for sure never had kids. Perhaps there is something that affirms that I really might too. Were it not for my 3 yr celibacy stint, I'd be at the drugstore buying a test right now.

Oh my god, I'm really excited!!!! She's going to make THEE best mother. She's the best woman I know.

I don't really know any baby songs other than "Daniel's Song" and I'm not in the mood for mellow. So here's "The Roots"

Carla Has Mad Enthusiasms for Tonight...

tempered with great sadness as my 1920's underworld fix is coming to an end with "Boardwalk Empire"'s season finale tonight. None the less, I have a NY strip marinating as I type. I'll miss my Sunday night ritual as my HBO Overlords have seen fit to not debut any of my other shows until January. Clearly I have angered the gods as is my want. I shall atone.

Since I was deeply disappointed by DeNiro's "SNL" appearance last night, I am posting his BEST scene in "The Untouchables". I like the "kid" they have playing Capone in "Boardwalk..", but it was making me mental because he's allegedly Capone in his early 20's and every time I look at him I can't shut up that he looks older than me. He is - by a few years. Still he rocks and I told feel like he is Capone now.


"A man become preeminent he's expected to have enthusiasms".

That's eloquence, my Friends. : P

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Marie/Maria?

I came up with my future daughter's name. I've had my son's name since my teens "Future Baby Max" ("Future Baby" part will not be on the cert), but I have never had my daughter's name. It's rather funny. It's been staring me in the face my whole life as it's also my name. Not Carla. Marie or Maria. My birthname is CarlaMarie, but I changed it to Carla-Maria in my teens and stuck with that until I married and felt Carla went better with my married name and just dropped Marie/Maria.

So I'm loving Max & Marie or Max & Maria. Not sure yet. It will depend on the father's last name I guess. And yes, I am thinking kids again. With the loss of Wicked and Evil, I've noticed that the baby urge has suddenly surfaced.

A Stressful Week Ends Rather Blissfully

It's been a harsh week. Uber harsh, but I'm in a nice, mellow frame of mind tonight so that bodes well for this weekend. My little boy (Evil) will be back home tomorrow. I haven't decided if I'm going to make a shrine to Wicked and Evil or not. Right now I have Wicked's urn and a HUGE bouquet on the bureau that's right at the entrance to my house. I really don't want to freak people out so I don't know that's where he and Evil will remain. Just not sure yet. I broke down when the vet called to tell me she'd be bringing him back tomorrow. Shows me that my brave front is just that. I think there will be a calming effect when they are both home. I just can't shake that I did something wrong that this all happened. I don't know what, and every one tells me not to feel that way. Easy for them to say. I know they mean well, but I do feel that it's somehow my fault. Anyway, it's done.

I was to have had my 1st flying lesson today. I really, really, really want my pilot's license and I'm really, really, really afraid. I got a call about 50 min prior from the pilot that it was very windy (it was, my office is right by the airport) and that he felt for my 1st flight it would be far too choppy. You'd have thought the governor had put a call into the warden 1 minute before the switch was flipped on my ass. I was a mess all day. Sweating, IBS, I haven't had IBS since I was married!!! I did today!!! I was a wreck. Well, I get to relive that all on Dec 23rd. That's when my flight's rescheduled.

Oh Mickey, You *WERE* So Fine

You now blow my mind for all the wrong reasons. I don't think I could see a M. Rourke film in the theatre because I'd be asked to leave due to my incessant gasps and out loud musings as to what wrong. I mean WHAT. WENT. WRONG??????

How do you go from this (which was about my first exposure to anything sexual)




to this



I dig him don't get me wrong, but it's not like he looked like ohhh say Nicholas Cage and now looks like this. He was an Adonis. He is so fine that in college there was a guy named Dave who was a dead ringer for him. He was so fine all the girls just circled around him literally and we called him Mickey. That was his nickname. He offered to relieve me of the tremendous burden of my virginity (ex-husband won that honor) and I actually considered it, because he was THAT fine. I now wonder every time I see Rourke what happened to Dave and more importantly did THIS happen to Dave. I pray not. I PRAY not. and I thank god that I never did it with him because it would a bit like saying I did it with Rourke. Okay, it's really not at all like that, but I'm shivering a bit at the prospect.

I love how I can make this poor man's problems about me. It's really a gift. A shitty, shitty gift.

Why Do I Love This Song So Much?

Ever since I was a kid, I'd get so excited when this part of "Ghostbusters" was on.

Another Bad Year Here

I woke up so happy that December was here. Also relieved that a stinkin' Tuesday went by without a cat dying. Tuesdays are officially not my favorite now. As I thought about the new year coming I said, "This has been a bad year." Then I thought about it for second and followed up with, "Every year here has been a bad year." Then I thought that surly that wasn't the case, but it's the truth. I'm not blaming the location, but I marvel at how it's almost as though fate has completely conspired against me with a few notable exceptions that I can easily count on one hand.

Now I know that sounds pessimistic. Perhaps it is, but I feel I'm an optimist. I always believe things will be better. I'm just really ready for that belief to be validated again. Used to be that it was all the time. Yes, bad things would happen back home, but not with the certainty and severity of the things that have happened to me here. Plus there were pretty steady bright spots in my life back home. Perhaps it was because I was in love. Maybe that made all the difference. Maybe just the fact that I lost my love is what makes it seem that every thing else is so terrible.

Regardless, I truly hope that 2011 brings some awesomeness to counter-balance 2008, 2009, and 2010. I guess that's a TALL order for 2011. I hope that it will deliver though. :)


Ohhhh, finally found the RIGHT lyrics for "Cylons". Apparently a lot of lyrics sites can't hear the words correctly because they have them quite wrong.

I already caused, apparently normal
when you smiled and slowed
but I have important work to carry (sort of speak)
I rarely never hold a job I never finish my work
I'm an affable bomb in this swamp
when hiding is organized, pose, both mellow jerk

you were like an angel
when I first met you
made me feel so good inside
showed me what I can do

it was so beautiful then
we were as one
but now I feel, baby
like something's gone

why don't I love you like I used to do, oh baby, baby x2

It's been so long now
between you and me
I thought I wanted to be part of you
now I want to be free

why don't I love you like I used to do, oh baby, baby
why don't you love me like I want you to, oh baby, my baby