For those of you keeping tabs you know I'm doing Landmark's Self-Expression and Leadership course (will be until year's end). We meet every Wed night and one Saturday a month (next Saturday will be the one for Oct). In addition to the classes there is a coaching call which I have on Sunday afternoons. I feel like I'm changing dramatically from the class to the call to the next class. I feel like I "get it" now. Far more so than I did with the Forum and Advanced Forum.
The big thing that keeps coming up is that I need to tear down my whole wall of "I don't need you". I really am improving in this, but on the call today my coach pointed out that I really need to push myself more with this. So I'm going to do that. I really can see how that holds things up from happening in my life.
She asked me if I had anything to ask her and I did. I wanted to know how I can get news like I did this week and not shut down like I do. When something bad happens, I withdraw and SHUT DOWN. Total self-preservation mode. She was saying that I need to surround myself with kindred spirits and to remind myself of what I'm committed to. She shared what it was for her, and then I really got it. I wanted to say what it was for me, but I have to admit I'm not really sure. My goals and commitments from the past are no longer relevant and really they are so small. I want to be committed to something big.
I am committed to being open and loving and being a beacon to everyone around me. I am committed to making a significant change in the world. I am committed to having a healthy, loving, FUN relationship. I am committed to asking for help when I need it. I am committed to get this narrowed down to a more succinct list that I can easy say when asked. : P
(the sculpture is lovely, no? it's by Michael Speller called "Commitment" and you can buy it for me for only £6,950. -- YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!!!!)
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