Fear

Isn't this photo beautiful? I wish I can remember whose flickr I got it from. It was procured last night during my search for photos for the mood I was in last night. I didn't end up talking about any of the things that was on my list for yesterday. Don't think I'll be talking about it tonight either. Just really, really, really, really strong feelings about something. Strong, awesome not strong, non-awesome. I don't know what to do about these feelings. Okay, I'll address an aspect of what I'm feeling.

Why do we play it safe? Why do we not take a damn chance and tell people how we feel about them? Everyone is so goddamned cautious anymore. I saw "Cyrus" yesterday and John C Reilly's character was awesome because he was willing to be vulnerable. He was vulnerable and it was attractive. I played it 'safe' with my ex-husband because he was a fucking lunatic that was ready to bolt at the drop of a hat. No fucking kidding. EIGHT YEARS into it, on the millenium no less, I got so annoyed with the holding back I said "Don't you know that I fucking love you???" He didn't talk to me for 4 days. Even at that I had to draw him out. Okay, so that's an extreme case (he did ask me to marry him the next year so he came around).

So anyway, that's the past. Due to that past, I am literally petrified to open up. PETRIFIED. I have feelings so strong I could fucking scream, but I can't show them. I fucking hate this. All I think about night and day is the object of these feelings.

Yet I do nothing...