I Feel Good

So it's been a week now and I guess I can come clean that I feel amazing. I've been a wee bit guarded about it because "feeling good" is such an ethereal thing for me, but never have I had a consistent feeling for this long. I feel like someone gave me 'the answer', if you will, to the question I've been asking most my life. I want to share it with everyone, but I don't know how. Everything I have done this year has been a building block that has neatly stacked up to where I'm at now.

I can't wait to see where I go from here.

Self-Realization - Actually More Just REALIZATION

So if you've been keeping pace with me, you can see I've been doing a plethora of self-help this year. Actually, I have my whole adult life, but this year I have the means and strong inclination to sort myself out so I can hopefully engage in a meaningful relationship and subsequently create a healthy family (if the Fates so allow). Anyway, I have to say that the delightful cocktail that I've been developing this year is doing me quite well. That cocktail includes (thus far) -- Acupuncture, Chiropractic, Ashiatsu, Resonance Repatterning, Raw Foods, and all that I've learned through Landmark Education. I feel like I'm forgetting something, but those are the biggies.

I feel that all that I have delved into this year are working together, supporting one another, to build a new and improved Carla (ohhhh, I forgot. A really, really, really helpful coaching session I had that stripped away my critical nature - not sure how I forgot that, but I shan't beat myself up over it) : )

The BIGGEST thing I'm getting from all that I'm learning is that we are all really the same. I know I hear people say that all the time and either roll my eyes, scoff in some other form, or just out and out it doesn't register, but I really see it right now. We are all so much the same. We all basically want the same things and have our various ways of going about TRYING to get them that has (to our perception) worked for us thus far.

I'm finding that I was the biggest obstacle in all my relationships, personal and professional. My walls were massive. They were full on fortresses that kept me away from others and them away from me. I can see that I couldn't see their pain. Their pain is huge in some cases far more so than mine. Furthermore, my walls kept me away from their awesomeness. I'm amazed at how AMAZING so many people are. When you put others in a box you have such a limited view of them. Just letting them be whoever they are from moment to moment really lets you in on their beauty.

I hope I remember this. My tolerance is limited, but I hope my curiosity is greater and allows me to know those around me for all they are. Because, so many around me are really extraordinary.

Sting - All This Time

I sing this song every day. This is just like being at my house. I sat down in my office chair tonight and rolled into the next room. NO JOKE.

My Favorite Song

Deus Do Fogo E Da Justiça ... Virginia Rodrigues Nós

I Sure Can Pick Them

Now, I really hope all my fears, concerns, full-on panic attacks are allayed by tomorrow, but I'm thinking I may have chosen unwisely when I picked my handyman.

I found him on CL. He gave me a flat price for the desk, bed, dresser, night-stand assembly that was agreeable to me. I told him that it could be a 6-8 wk window on the bed, but I've been asked QUITE A LOT about the arrival of the bed since. Dude, I'm eager too.

I told him I have the desk and that I've had it since Thursday. He asked me yesterday what my availability this week was. I told him tomorrow (Wed) at 6pm. I didn't hear back till today when he said "what about today". Argh. I wish people would just goddamn tell me what they want and see if it works for me than play this "guess what day and time I want you to say" game. I'm so fucking sick of that. So many people do that to me. I don't fucking have kids. I'm a 9 to5'er. I can pretty much do whatever. Very little is ever set in stone so just goddamn tell me what works for you and we can go from there.

So I get a phone call from him. He asks how close I am to 6th/Congress. Ummm, well I'm at 12th/West Lynn area so that close. Well he's being 'dropped off' at 6th/Congress. I'm assuming it's a bus, because I don't know why anyone with a car couldn't swing the extra 6 blocks up and over, but whatever. Then the kicker. "Do you have a hammer and screwdriver or do you need me to bring them?" Am I high? I was at work and I can't be high or I'll be fired so I don't think I was high. I felt high though. I felt almost insane. I mean, you placed a CL ad that you can do all this shit (furniture assembly amongst them) so ummm, you don't have the tools or wouldn't just bring them anyway?

Then my next door neighbor (at work) kind of gets freaked out that he's legit. She said I should have some one be at my house with me. I don't think that's necessary, but I do get where she's coming from.

We'll see how tomorrow evening (6pm) goes with the desk. If you don't see a blog post at all tomorrow night, maybe come check on me. Someone might be wearing me as a dress. Annnnnnd I just scared myself a little extra.

(Note: EVERY pic I saw when I typed in "handyman" has a dude WITH tools)

Things Are Looking Up

Man, I can tell Saturday's work is really taking hold. I feel DAMN good, not a light, frivolous good that dissipates in a couple hours. More a solid knowing that all is well. I'm liking this A LOT. Grandmother said I really seem different. That's encouraging.

It's funny. I find myself suddenly getting excited for the holidays. Really, really excited. I can't wait.

I think my desk will be assembled this week. Handyman asked what day this week worked for me so I said Wed 6pm. I haven't gotten confirmation back yet, but I'm hoping that works. The boxes are just lying on the floor in the living. God, help me when the others arrive. I have no idea where everything will go, plus the disposal of ALL that packaging. Aghhhhh

Let's see what else. I guess that will do for now.

I Leave This Weekend...

markedly better than I entered it.

I can see clearly now that I have my new AMAZING contacts. I have to have toric lenses. Toric is Latin for "bend over". Kidding, but they are not cheap. Not cheap at all, but I can see now so rock.

That's not the big happening of the weekend though. I had an appointment with psychotherapist who does Resonance Repatterning. I think EVERY ONE should have this done. Wow. I mean WOW. I feel like a different person today. It was funny though. I went to bed at 7pm last night. Got up at almost 9am and then took a nap this afternoon. Freeing yourself of negative things is tiring. : )

My only regret is that Bed & Co is still no where to be found. Maybe it will take the full 6 wks. I hope not.

(don't ask about the photo, i just liked it)

Feeling This Right Now...

Very much so.

Fear

So tomorrow is the eye doctor FINALLY and the therapist FINALLY. Do not like the eye doc. In general no one doctor specifically. I get really scared when anyone gets near my eyes. Never seen a therapist, but I'm more afraid of that. Just don't know what's going to come up. If it's nothing too traumatic/dramatic, I'll share tomorrow or when I can.

Fickle Furniture

Desk is playing hard to get. I know where he is. He's been in town since 4 this morning and out on the truck for delivery since 5. That's alright, Desk, I'm patient.

Bed & Co have been rather interesting. I get a call after 9:30 last night on my cell from Overstock telling me they are sending me an email with the oversized delivery policy. Today I get a call from N. Carolina telling me they will be calling me to set up a delivery time in the next several days. Calls foreshadowing emails. Calls foreshadowing calls. Ahhhh, the wild world of furniture buying online.

I made my playlist for my furniture (it's since changed). It's all dedicated to Desk, Bed & Co.

ps: I can't effing wait to be on this freaking bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"James, I Can't Believe This Is Happening..."

Neither can I, James. I really cannot believe that this ludicrous series thrived all these years.

The Acting -- ABYSMAL

The Plots -- Preposterous

The Lead -- Insouciant (which normally I love in men, but not these guys)

The Women -- Bipolar (not maniac/low but hopelessly stupid/rather sharp)

The Gadgets -- Cool for the time

The Cars -- Well here the series does not disappoint

The Villains -- Please

The Henchmen -- Laughable

The Lairs -- Really?

The Open Credits Scene -- Hand to God one of the "Model's" hands were a man's and a NASTY man's hands. I've never seen a man with such gnarled hands.

The End Credits -- Always threatening you with the next one. Did Broccolli have dirty pics of the studio owner's daughter or something? How did this go on????


So I'm "watching" "The Man with the Golden Gun". Tiny dude from "Fantasy Island" is in it. His name -- Nick Nack. Yeah, I'd kill myself too. Christopher Lee/James Bond had GREY third nipples in this one. That will NEVER be erased from my mind. NEVER!!!!! The sentence in the subject was uttered by the trollop du jour as she was about to be "seduced" but then got kicked out of bed when a trollop with more relevant intel comes to the door. He's a class act. Where can I cash in my self-esteem and get some of that scary-great action?

I've got another 20-25yrs of this dreck to go, but I am so curious to see if I'll like the more current ones. I thought I did when I saw them, but I was younger then. My tastes have vastly changed the last few years.

I'm just glad I have Connery out of the way. I like my Connery as an SNL parody of Connery.

And the World Breathed a Collective Sigh of Relief

Sooooo, I'm finally going to talk to a therapist. Now, I technically have my whole life. Grandfather. He's a psychologist, but I don't tell him a lot of things just because it's hard for me to talk to him about some things. I have put this off and put this off and put this off. To me it seems that therapy is this ENDLESS adventure that really seems to do little other than relieve the patient of a lot of money. Don't get me wrong. I know it's not that way for everyone, but it sure as hell is for some.

Well the person I'm seeing is highly recommended by someone I totally trust and after talking to her today she seems way different from my preconceived notions. I'm really looking forward to meeting her. Saturday's blog should be interesting (provided I feel like sharing).

I rearranged the bedroom this evening in preparation for the bedroom that will be here in 1-6 wks. My desk is well en route. I think it will be here by the weekend. No idea on the bedroom set though. I'm excited. I hope it all fits well the bedroom is not the largest ever.

Don't Sell the Dreams You Should Be Keeping...

Well I'm still blown away by, "Inception". I just loved it. I also loved how many times I gave myself the "kick" last night and I'd like to thank my subconscious for one of my projections being BonJovi. His projection was MUCH appreciated. (I just made myself giggle).

Now as to dreams in the form of aspirations. I want a new dream for my heart and soul. One that is not based on something fleeting. I want to have a dream that can be mine until my dying breath. I want that dream to be something like "to continually make a positive impact wherever i am for as many people as i can". Something like that. I may need to refine it, but that's what's been floating around my brain for years. Maybe not as defined as that. I feel it's not defined enough. Like should have THE CAUSE to fight for, but one has never taken root in my heart. Maybe I haven't found it yet. Until then, I will go with what I stated.

Then I'd like to get a new dream for me and my life (not the cause, personal life stuff). I'm SOOOOOO much happier with a dream. OMG, --- yep. Now I have "Happy Talk" from "South Pacific" in my head.

"you got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?"

word

Finally

I bought bedroom and office furniture today. I don't know if it was the intense high I was on from "Inception" being all I wanted it to be and more or if it was because I decided last weekend that I'm not living like I'm staying here and that I needed to change that.



Whatever it is, I took the plunge. I bought everything in the bedroom set and the desk. I semi-dread their arrival and subsequent assembly. I know I'll be happy when it's all done though.

Writer's Block

Well not really. Just don't want to talk about what I'm thinking right now.

One thing to say that's not glum. I saw "A Simple Plan". It's on HBO this month. A woman in Sweden sponsored a boy in Kenya 35 years ago. He ended up breakng free from his village life - went to HARVARD, thank you very much - now is a Coordinator w the UN. Yeah. So you never know how your actions can impact others and that's something I'm thinking a lot about right now.

I want to make a BIG difference.

My Neighborhood RULES!!!!

I had the nicest time tonight with my neighbors. Suffice it to say I'm the newest person here, by uhhhhhh, 20-30 yrs. They all had such awesome stories. I loved it. So warm and inviting. I feel blessed to be here.

"Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme" -- Ehhh, Not So Much

So since I'm thinking up new green smoothie ideas all the time, and I listened to a LOT of S & G today I decided to make this smoothie.

Don't recommend it.

"Am I Not Merciful?"

That's one of my favorite quotes and I've been saying it a lot lately. I was well obsessed with "Gladiator" when it came out. I might have watched it daily at one point. Commodus (J. Phoenix) was my favorite. I know he was a manchild lunatic, but I liked him. Perhaps it was the costumes. He was dressed so regally. I don't know why I was thinking about that more today. Perhaps because the movie where he transformed himself from a hottie to the least desirable man ever is finally coming out. Yippee, can't wait. Ohh wait, yeah I can.

I just saw Marion Coutillard (total guess on the spelling) on C. Ferguson's show and I'm even more excited about "Inception". I think she's delightful (because she really seems to be). If this movie disappoints me, I might to go into hiding for months. I'm in need of a GREAT movie. I've seen some good ones lately, but nothing that makes me want to watch them over and over and over again. OMG, now I want to watch "Little Children" again. Why do I love that movie so? I do not know, but it is a favorite. I need a new favorite.

In honor of Ms. Coutillard (sp?), I give you this "French" joke

Have you heard about the three-star restaurant on the Champs-Élysées that makes omelets with only one egg? Apparently in Paris, one egg is un oeuf.



Side Note: Thanks to all of the kind words after last night's post. I feel SO much better today. : )

"The House That Sad Built"

Well welcome to post number 200. It's going to be a doozy. I'll tell you right now that you might want to back out. You don't have to read this. This isn't in the same vein as my other posts so just know that. It's going to no doubt be long unless I decide to greatly edit myself. I don't know yet. I am really going to just let this one flow unfettered so know that. Also know that I'm alright. I'm going to be fine. This not about you or any of you reading it. I don't expect anything from you. I'm writing this because of a human angel who talked to me last night. She too had been through something like what I experienced, but, in my opinion far worse than I, and she encouraged me to blog about it. So that's what I'm doing.

Background: My ex-husband moved down from Long Island when I was 12 yrs old into the condo we lived in. Knew him for years and when I turned 18 we started dating. He was the love of my life and even though our relationship was tumultuous to say the least, we always got back together. Our first major break up I was 19/20 and I got in with a group of Greeks and Italians. They were the best, most of them. Had a blast and wouldn't take back that time for anything. It was a ton of fun. I had finished early with most of my college and took some time off to party HARDY. One of the suppliers of "party supplies" and I were also friends. He was more a peripheral friend, but during the Breakup of 1995, he and I had fun now and again if catch my drift. Time passes and now I'm back with Tony (ex-husband) and I determine right then and there that we are never breaking up again. Even if we do I know that we will get back together because we are meant to be.

Okay.

Ex-husband is a decade older than I and Egyptian so he would often lay down the law of what was to be, and I would always comply. The law was that I was to NEVER go near any of the Greeks/Italians ever again. EVER. Well, that stung a bit, but he was all I wanted to be with anyway so you know, whatever. Glad to comply.

One night he and I really have a big fight and he takes off. I'm so mad I could have strangled him. Soooo, when "The Italian" called I was not hard to convince to go out to my favorite club and check out his billionth new car. We lived right in downtown Orlando so the club was a matter of blocks. Figured I'd go out a few hours, HOPEFULLY he'd notice and be jealous blahblahblah. Mind you I'm still a kid so that makes total sense to me.

So out we go to Club Renaissance (If anyone remembers that club, don't judge me) : ) Well we are there for a bit and he keeps the drinks flowing, but I ALWAYS could carry my liquor and yours so no biggie. So it was very bizarre that I started to get extremely sick and barely able to stay conscious. So I ask him to get me home right away because I just do not feel right.

He gets me to his car and I think I must have passed out because when I come to we are speeding down I4. For those not in Orlando, these means he's not taking me home. I was blocks from home, no reason to be on the interstate at all. To this day I don't know where he took me, I just know that it was North of Orlando.

I remember feeling violently ill and begging him to pull over. He rolls down the window for me so I can hang my head out the car like a dog and throw up. That's what I did. I then am crying and pleading with him to call Tony to come get me. I told him to just pull over and call his cell and he'll come get me. He just says he can't do that.

So where we end up, I to this day don't know. I mean I know his house and this wasn't it. Some apartment somewhere North of Orlando. I remember very well that it was new, because I could smell the carpet as I crawled along it to the bathroom to continue vomiting. I know I passed out again, because he came and carried me to the bed. I'm still crying and begging for him to call Tony to come for me. I don't know if he raped me just once and I kept coming to during a single incident or if it was several times throughout the night. It seems like it was several times throughout the night, but I really and truly do not know. I just know it was horrible and he was so mad me. I couldn't get him off me. I could stop crying for Tony. I just couldn't. I simply couldn't do anything. I was like a rag doll. Just limp. There are other details that I'm not going to get into, but suffice it to say it was bad and scary and traumatizing.

The next morning he takes me to the car and he can see in the morning light what I did and he grabbed my face HARD and turned it to the car and said, "Look what you fucking did to my brand new car." I don't really remember the drive. I was really in another world. I do remember him dropping me off at my place. I remember me skulking up to the building and trying to get in with out one of the 200 + residents who all knew me seeing me and the state I was in. I made it. I held up for days I think. That's all fuzzy to me now too.

I never told. I was petrified that Tony would kill him. If not him, perhaps my father or brother if they knew. So I never told. For years. I told a friend of 10 years this morning and she wrote that she "NEVER" knew that about me. Also wrote that it explains so much. It really does.

The reason all this came up now is not because I just now remember it. I think of it every day and it has shaped who I am in good ways and in bad ways.

Why do I hate crowds? Because were there not a crowd around, I'd have perhaps caught him spiking my drink.

Why do I hate clubs? Because that was the first site of the crime.

Why did I stay with Tony so long when I was evident we were not right for each other? Because who else would ever want me? I was damaged goods.

Why do I wall myself off from everyone? I'm scared you'll find out how unworthy and dirty I am

Why did I never like to go North of Orlando (to a certain point)? Because that's where it happened

Why do I hate vibrators and anything that sounds like one (electric toothbrushes etc)? Because he used one on me

Why have I been celibate for almost three years now? Because I thought he was my friend and if I can't trust my friend how could I trust any man friend or not?


Now don't get me wrong. These are not all thoughts that I'm out and out thinking all the time. Far from it. In fact, I thought I was totally cool with it until I did my Advanced Landmark Forum this weekend. I did mine like Benjamin Button. I was psyched and motivated Friday morning when it started and it just devolved from there. Tonight is to be the celebration ceremony and I'm not going. Not because of anything other than I think it is far more cathartic for me to stay home with my thoughts and write this.

i am not defined by this, yet I have been. I don't want to be anymore. I want to choose happiness and freedom and that I'm a beautiful woman with soooooo much love to give that it almost hurts because I start to give it and then I hold myself back. No more. I don't want there to be any walls between me and you whomever you are.

I want to start my life anew today and leave the past to the past. What happened to me was 14+ years ago, and it's shadowed me for too long. I am perfect, whole, and complete and if you are reading this and you sense that I'm putting up my walls or hiding or doing anything that stems from this, please tell me. I mean try to tell me nicely, but tell me.

I've been hold up in this sad little house of my making too long. I'd like to go outside now.

Thank Goodness for the Good Souls

I went through something really major this weekend. Really major. I'm not up to talking about it tonight, but thanks to 4 different people who encouraged me in their own ways and one person in particular, I'll be writing about it tomorrow.
That will be a post not for the faint of heart. I'll be really honest about my past.


Starsailor - "Good Souls"

"You Are the Author..."

So I was up on stage crying in front of 60 people this afternoon. Didn't see that one coming, but I guess that's how breakthroughs go. Soooooooo, interesting though because the leader kept telling me "You are the author..." {to the story of my life}. The reason this is so interesting is I've had numerous people either call me an "author" or tell me what a great writer I am in the last few weeks. I literally was talking to a stranger at one of my favorite restaurants and said a phrase that triggered a huge gasp and "I've read your writing!!!!".

Whoa. Being a writer, I mean actually published, is something I dream of, but I think I might be getting closer and closer to that.

Not that that was what this afternoon's breakthrough was about. Just struck a major chord with me.

BREAK THROUGH!!!!!

So after the dinner break tonight I had a MAJOR break through. MAJOR. HUGE. GARGANTUAN!!!!

Day 1

So it's Day 1 of my Advanced Landmark and it's SO much better than the first one (although I did just scream like a lunatic at Zoe {cat} so clearly I'm stressed out). I really like the guy this time. Seems like he and I have comparable issues so I relate to him really well. We broke into a group of 6 which I like SO much better than the group from the seminar that I ultimately dropped out of. It's a much smaller group overall. 53 of us, so it's a more intimate setting and there are a lot of people there that seem cool. More so than in the first one.

I have to be back at 8pm and although it says "midnight" as the end of each session I've been assured it won't be that long. I hope not, but whatever. I'm really getting a lot out of it so if it takes to midnight so be it (just hope it doesn't for Sunday, Christ I'll be tired on Monday).

Fighting Growth

So I could scarcely sleep last night. I imagined (or was) that I was sick. I nightmared all night. WTF!! I have it on good authority that this weekend is going to be amazing. What am I so afraid of?

Try to be open. Try to be open. Try to be open.

Elevate My Mind

"I wanna go higher!!" I'll be working on that for the next three days so don't be surprised if I'm not around.

(what fun Stereo MC's concert footage)

The Verve - Sonnet

I'm challenging myself to write love letters. Just because love is the hardest thing for me to express. I mean I express it. I'll do things for you. That's how I tell you I love you. I don't really know how to use my words to SAY it. So I want to get good at expressing it so when I'm eventually in a relationship I won't hopefully be so awkward. (plus, I'm secretly hoping it manifests something).

Anyway, that's put this song in my head all week. It's funny because I've loved this song for years and never saw the video for it. You know the days when you had to PRAY you'd catch it on MTV, (God Bless Internet). Anyway, I'm being reminded of how "I was going to be a film-maker and direct music videos". That was THEE only thing I wanted to do. I think it a little bit each week. Not so much the music video aspect now, although that's there, but now the interest is documentaries. I am thinking about it more lately because several people have told me that I'm "stuck" because I have not done what I wanted with my life.

So do I, at 35, try to take this up? Ahhh, that's too much for me to handle right now. I'll just sit back and watch this video.

I Get By with a Little Help from My (Psychic) Friends...

I get high with, never mind. Anyway, I finally looked up a psychic here in town and how convenient she's right up the street. Passed her a million times, well at least every day. Anyway, she sorted me out and now I'm on task.

I'm so ready for Friday/Saturday/Sunday (to a lesser extent Tuesday night). I can't wait to see what I get out of the Advanced Landmark Forum. I have it from a very reliable source that THIS is where it's at. I can't wait.

God I'm going to be EXHAUSTED next week.

Fear

Isn't this photo beautiful? I wish I can remember whose flickr I got it from. It was procured last night during my search for photos for the mood I was in last night. I didn't end up talking about any of the things that was on my list for yesterday. Don't think I'll be talking about it tonight either. Just really, really, really, really strong feelings about something. Strong, awesome not strong, non-awesome. I don't know what to do about these feelings. Okay, I'll address an aspect of what I'm feeling.

Why do we play it safe? Why do we not take a damn chance and tell people how we feel about them? Everyone is so goddamned cautious anymore. I saw "Cyrus" yesterday and John C Reilly's character was awesome because he was willing to be vulnerable. He was vulnerable and it was attractive. I played it 'safe' with my ex-husband because he was a fucking lunatic that was ready to bolt at the drop of a hat. No fucking kidding. EIGHT YEARS into it, on the millenium no less, I got so annoyed with the holding back I said "Don't you know that I fucking love you???" He didn't talk to me for 4 days. Even at that I had to draw him out. Okay, so that's an extreme case (he did ask me to marry him the next year so he came around).

So anyway, that's the past. Due to that past, I am literally petrified to open up. PETRIFIED. I have feelings so strong I could fucking scream, but I can't show them. I fucking hate this. All I think about night and day is the object of these feelings.

Yet I do nothing...

Iron This

I've had about 6 things I wanted to talk about here tonight, but I kind of don't know where to start. Maybe I'll discuss them over the next few days or maybe I won't. They are all kind of heavy topics and I don't feel like getting all deep tonight.

So I'm going to tell a joke. A bad joke, but one that cracked me up.

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Death In Vegas - Dirt

I Vant to Be Alone

How did I find the only three cats on the planet that want to be with me 24/7? Even when they are aloof, they are aloof one foot away from me if that. Normally they are aloof on some part of me, especially my hand/arm, if I'm laying down my chest. I really was looking forward to the three day weekend for just mega-solitude. I feel well finally, I'm in an increasingly better state of mind so I was just going to chilllllll. I'm now to the point I'm constantly changing rooms and yelling "Are You Freaking Kidding Me", when they all 3 join me in under a minute. I mean I love the love. I really do, but I think I'm going to have to leave the house tomorrow just to get away.

And I contemplate getting a dog. HA!!!

My Favorite Mash Up: The Dandy Warhols vs The Beastie Boys

Big Plans for the Weekend...

I can't tell you the restraint it's taking every time people ask me if I have "BIG PLANS" for the weekend. I sooooooooo want to answer "masturbation", but that's so rude even for me. So I'm writing about it here to get it out of my system. I hope this works. I wish someone I didn't like would ask me that. Then I'd ENJOY saying it.

I wonder where I'd chart on the sicko-meter.

Her Majesty Now Requires 1500 Thread Count

Yep, my high-thread count lust knows no bounds. I was a happy girl years ago when 1200 count entered my life, then my world was shattered when someone told me he got 1500 thread count. I too had 1500 in no time. Since I've tried to talk myself out of it, but no. I just received my next fix, I mean shipment of 1500 count sheets. They are superlative. You see, "superlative" is what you say when you have 1500 thread count sheets as opposed to say "they're the shit". They are the shit though. They so are. I learned where the word "shit" came from tonight, but I cannot write about that now. I'm dealing with an insane level of thread, People. If a number above 1500 exists, don't you DARE tell me about it. I need to keep this in check. I'm only 35. Where does it end? I don't want to be all strung out at 45 on 1,000,000 count sheets. I wonder what would happen if I had to go down to the triple digit thread count again.

Perish the thought -- I mean FUCK THAT

I Know I'm Given to Hyperbole...

but I feel like I'm in mourning for so many things right now it's almost suffocating to me.