Brown Chicken Brown Cow (II)

Well look at me. I apparently have already titled a blog post BCBC before as it auto-populated. Well sorry of repeating myself, but I think while the general topic will be sex that there is a deeper point to the post.

So if you're keeping up you know that I got turned on (not sorry for the sophomoric pun) to belly dancing about a month ago. Unlike most of my, "OH MY GOD I HAVE TO DO THAT" urges this one has stuck around. In fact, it's helping me. A lot. I have never been fatter in my life than I am now and while I'm not happy about it, I'm finding that with the dancing it's making me respect my body more and in turn I'm gradually giving a damn about myself. This is reflected in a big drop off in my emotional eating/drinking. BIG drop off. I feel like I'm starting to connect to my body more. I start my formal lessons tomorrow and I'm so excited. I am afraid that I'm doing some moves wrong (I get SO turned around) so it will be wonderful to have Najla right there showing me what to do and not do.

I'm finding that just in the little bit I've done on my own that my senses are reawakening (refer to title and pic if you are unclear what 'senses' I am speaking of). It's really nice. I had soooo shut myself off due to a couple of notable mistakes in judgement in the men department, that I really felt almost dead inside. No I actually did feel dead inside.

It's nice to see that there is hope. I met a woman from Craigslist today (I'd love to end the post right there:) ), and she was telling me that when she was 36 (which I will be in April) that she packed it in. Decided "I'm going to be alone" so she bought a place in the country, a bunch of horses, and a pickup (the pickup was what started the life story). She then said that she knew a guy at the time, but he was serving in Bosnia and there didn't seem like there was going to be a relationship. Cut to present day - they're married. I just loved the story because she was 36 and had packed it in, just like I have, and life surprised her.

I'm looking forward to life surprising me --- IN A GOOD WAY THIS TIME, LIFE!!!

Linear: Leaves Me Cold

I have been attempting to find a picture of a cozy, stone (or brick) restaurant to try to duplicate what's in my head. It's moments like this that I wish the family's artist gene took the form of drawing, like it has for several in our family, instead of verse as it has for me. I have SOOOOOOOOOOO many beautiful images in my head that I have no way of conveying. I have a vision and a feeling of a restaurant that I feel is MY restaurant. So I have been searching and searching all day. Nothing has come close. One thing I found interesting though was how many very linear designed places people had captioned as "cozy". I do not think "cozy" when I think linear. Neat - Yes. Orderly - Yes. Cold as Ice - ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY.

I can appreciate linear things, but I do not get a good feeling from them. It's funny. I used to tell my ex-husband all the time, "You are have a very linear way of thinking," to which he'd snap, "I know you're insulting me." Which I truly wasn't. I just felt it was why we were not compatible. I mean he is WAAAAAY linear in his thinking. I don't think there is a thing wrong with that, just doesn't mesh well with me and my way of thinking.

I've seen several restaurants that I have liked in my search and ALL expect one in NYC are overseas. I guess when you grow up abroad it affects you. :)

I obviously have picked an uber-linear picture to illustrate my point of it being ice cold. The restaurants were not this institutional. They were softly lit which helped, but cozy -- uh, no.

The Year of the Cat (Bunny)

OMG, it's finally my Chinese year!!!! I truly forgot that it was coming up!!! I'm the year of the rabbit or cat depending on the astrology. Given my cat love I like to say cat, but bunnies rock too.

I should get a reading for this year. I hope that it means AMAZING things will happen!!!

Woman in Chains

Christ, sometimes I so feel this song. :(






You better love loving and you better behave
You better love loving and you better behave
Woman in chains, woman in chains

Calls her man the great white hope
Says she's fine, she'll always cope, ooh
Woman in chains, woman in chains

Well, I feel lying and waiting is a poor man's deal (A poor man's deal)
And I feel hopelessly weighed down by your eyes of steel
(Your eyes of steel)
Well, It's a world gone crazy keeps woman in chains, woh woh woh
Woman in chains, woman in chains

Trades her soul as skin and bones
(You better love loving and you better behave)
Sells the only thing she owns
(You better love loving and you better behave) ooh ooh
Woman in chains (the sun and the moon), woman in chains

Men of stone, men of stone, hey baby, no no no, ooh

Well, I feel deep in your heart there are wounds time can't heal
(The time can't heal)
And I feel somebody somewhere is trying to breathe
Well, you know what I mean
It's a world gone crazy keeps woman in chains

It's under my skin but out of my hands
I'll tear it apart (somebody somewhere is trying)
But I won't understand (to breathe)
I will not accept the greatness of man
It's a world gone crazy keeps woman in chains
Gone crazy keeps woman in chains

So free her, so free her, so free her
So free her, so free her (the sun and the moon)
So free (the wind and the rain) her, so free her
So free her, so free her, so free her, so free her
So free her, so free her (the sun and the moon)
So free (the wind and the rain) her, so free her

3 Year Austinversary: Go Big or Go Home

So three years ago today I landed (in my car) here in Austin; running away from the oppressive regime of my homeland. That made me smirk.

Things I'm Grateful for:

My Kickass Network of Friends
MimiNoir
My Never Say Die Attitude That's Going to Kick All The Negative Things Listed Below Right in the Ass







Things That Suck So Bad I Was Looking Into Moving to the Keys:

My Job
The Massive Pay Cut I Took Moving Here
The Debt I've Racked Up from Massive Pay Cut
The Drivers Here (I'm going to pistol-whip someone before I make it out of this state)
My Boys Dying (Yes, I a bit blame TX. Don't ask me why. Blame is rarely rational)
Being Alone the Entire Three Years I've Lived Here
Gaining 30 Pounds Since Moving Here (Grandmother would say this is why the alone thing happened. I've seen a lot of fatties get married so I'm not buying that)

So as you can see, I have several things on the negative side that I want to turn around. The job is NUMBER ONE on the list. I'm absolutely done with that place and all its negativity and really just generic horseshittiness. Hopefully new job will pay me what I'm worth, but I'm a bit skeptical about that. Texas $ is a bit of a joke. Oh well. I'll settle for a job that doesn't make me cry every day and figure out how to pay off my $15k debt. "I'm smart, not like everybody says. Like dumb!!!" ;P

So yeah. Texas, three years. I need you bring your A Game this year and I'll bring mine and hopefully I'll have a much, much happier Four Year Austinverary Report. :)

IFC Is Here: You'd Better Get Down

(Back story: I'm trying to write a screenplay on a heist gone wrong)

I love my dreams -SO MUCH. I dreamt last night (probably more this a.m. as I didn't sleep a lot last night) that a SWAT team of sorts descended on my quiet street. I was trying to see what their jackets read. FBI? No. ATF? No. CIA? No. IFC!!!

Some girl was passing by and asked me what was happening as they were about to break through the door of the guy two doors down.

Me, "Ohh, I'm trying to write a screenplay on a heist and they have come to help me with ideas."

Her, "Ohhhhh, that's really cool!!!"

Me, "Yeah!! Uhh, you might want to get down."

"I Love It When a Plan Comes Together" *Lights Cigar in Sexy, Self-Satisfied Fashion*

Last night was wonderful. As one person said "I feel like I'm at an adult dinner party" to which I squealed like 5 year old who had decades of planning finally come together. It was like Fate organized the dinner (because I sure didn't/I'll be a bit more proactive next time). I made the Apple/Walnut/Gorgonzola Crostini, except I didn't. I did apples, walnuts, and bleu cheese and I forgot sage/garlic but NO ONE was complaining. In fact, I got all the praise my "PLEASE LOVE ME" inner child needed.

Then we had a gorgeous salad that E. brought and I will be having for lunch today. Thanks, E.!!!

Next we had T. bringing it with the olives and assorted rustic breads and olive oil. That may or may not have been attacked after the last guest left (it's the former). Thanks, T.!!!

Then we had L. double bring it. #1 WINE. E & I were getting a bit parched so that was a delightful addition. You know how dinner parties can dehydrate you. Then she brought this delectable pasta dish that I wish I had saved more room for. (Filling up on bread, honestly, what a rookie move!!) Thanks, L.!!!

Next A. & J. arrived with wine (woot!) and this mega-awesome Mediterranean soup (which I also filled up on, but it was too good not to). It was like eating at my mother-in-law's except this was good. OHHHHH YES I DID!!!!!!! Thank you A. & J. and awesome meeting you, J.!!!

Last but NOT least, R. brought it with wine (my hero) and this amazing pasta dish that was a medley of awesomeness. I also wish I had more room to really savor this. Soooo tasty. Thanks, R.!!!

So that was the food. So delicious. It was incredible how we ended up with a perfectly balanced table. I guess my friends and I all share a deep, psychic, food bond. :)

I loved the evening so much and can't wait till Oscar Night (Feb 27) when we do it all again.

<3

Note: Peppard is SO the original Hannibal, but Neeson looks so damn sexy in this pic I had to go with this one. Plus I liked the new "A-Team" movie. I don't know why everyone was bagging on it.