Play This Song at My Funeral

Two birthdays ago, I had a front row seat to Mr. Cohen serenading me.
I'll never forget it. Ever.

Apologies to 1621

I don't know if it's that my formative years involved frequent European excursions. I don't know if it's that I'm 1/2 South American. I don't know if it's that I grew up in and lived the first 33 years of my life either 6 - 8 stories off the ground. I don't know if it's that bras are suffocating, but when I'm home 95% of the time I'm topless. So call/text before visiting me.

I am in the process of moving out and a couple weeks back I took down the curtains in my kitchen. I've wondered if the neighbors could see me. The mail carrier gave me all of 1621's mail yesterday. As I saw one of the cars belonging to the couple pull up yesterday, I went out to give them their mail back. Given that the husband could NOT looking me in eyes, I'd say I have my answer.

Don't worry, Mrs. 1621. I'll be gone soon.

Restless

Christ, I'm restless. Hardly surprising, but semi-annoying.

I'll be glad when the next few weeks have passed. So much happening.

D'You Know What I Mean?

I've had this song in my head for days. Just woke up with it in my head again so strong I had to see the video.





Step off a train, all alone at dawn
Back into the hole where I was born
Sun in the sky, never raised an eye to me

There's blood on the tracks, and they must be mine
Fool on the hill, and I feel fine
Don't look back, 'cause you know what you might see

Look into the wall of my mind's eye
I think I know, but I don't know why
Questions of the answers you might need

Comin' in a mess, going out in style
I ain't good lookin', but I'm someone's child
No one can give me the air that's mine to breathe

I met my maker, I made him cry
And on my shoulder, he asked me why
As people won't fly through the storm
I said listen up now, we don't even know you're born

All my people right here, right now
D'you know what I mean? (yeah, yeah)

All my people right here, right now
D'you know what I mean? (yeah, yeah)

All my people right here, right now
D'you know what I mean? (yeah, yeah)

I don't really care for what you believe
So open up your fist and you will receive
The thoughts and the words of every man you'll meet

Get up off the floor of the leaving line
No one's ever gonna ever ask you twice
Get all the fuss and bring it all home to me

I met my maker, I made him cry
And on my shoulder, he asked me why
As people won't fly through the storm
I said listen up now, we don't even know you're born

All my people right here, right now
D'you know what I mean? (yeah, yeah)

All my people right here, right now
D'you know what I mean? (yeah, yeah)

All my people right here, right now
D'you know what I mean? (yeah, yeah)

Free = Freeing

Okay so there is, Christ, I don't even know probably $1,000's worth of stuff that I have given away and continue to do so because I don't have the time/patience to sit with ALL this stuff. It's lots of little stuff, but stuff that I have held on to because of sentiment.

Some people where making me feel badly/foolish for not asking for money so I started to and I just get SO annoyed with the questions and the "YES, I WANT IT" and then a no show or an excuse and they'll be by later or tomorrow or this weekend. It takes a lot for my emotionally to part with some of this stuff so to think, "Okay, 'x' will be gone by 7pm" and then it's not is hard on me.

BASTA!!!!

I'm done. I listed the last few larger objects for free tonight and within 10 min I have all of them spoken for and they all should be gone by 8:30pm. The best part was there was one item that was super-sentimental and I really hoped it went to someone cool, but where you're offering it for free who knows, right? Well as Eduardo hung up the phone he says, "Ciao!!" and I go, "Oh yeah, HE is the one who should have these!!!"

It's amazing how I am gaining nothing monetarily, but gaining MASSIVE amounts of peace with each of these items that I'm tossing. I haven't tossed everything from the 15 yrs we were together, but Holy Shit. I'd say I've axed a good 85% of it. I'm trying to get the balls to toss everything, but I'm having a hard time with that. I feel like that says that 15 of my 35 years were utterly meaningless. I KNOW that's not the case, but that's how it feels.

Good God, emotions are running HIGH in this old house.

(Sidenote: Sexy Pic, Huh??)

You Know That Scene...

in "The 'Burbs" where the younger Klopek drives the family car down the drive way, takes the trash out of the trunk, puts it in the the trash can and beats the fucking hell out of it while Hanks, Dern, and the other guy look on from across the street, then gets back in the car, backs it up into the garage and the door closes?

I want to do that. I HATE ALL THE CLUTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Gratitude Is the Memory of the Heart"

Massieu wrote that. He also wrote "Let the Englishman have his coffee, and let me have my ham." Well let this mutt have BOTH!! ; P

Anyway this is not about Massieu, it's about Moi. I have had it in for this town because I thought I made a huge mistake coming here.
When I get frustrated, Reason and I soon part ways.

Anyway, suddenly everything is just falling neatly into place like a row of dominos tumbling beautifully in a row, and almost that quick. Where there was only an impasse and dejection there is now movement and hope.

I'm so grateful to those who have stuck by me during these difficult times. I love you guys, and the gratitude I feel for you fills my heart.

:)