I Feel Good

So it's been a week now and I guess I can come clean that I feel amazing. I've been a wee bit guarded about it because "feeling good" is such an ethereal thing for me, but never have I had a consistent feeling for this long. I feel like someone gave me 'the answer', if you will, to the question I've been asking most my life. I want to share it with everyone, but I don't know how. Everything I have done this year has been a building block that has neatly stacked up to where I'm at now.

I can't wait to see where I go from here.

Self-Realization - Actually More Just REALIZATION

So if you've been keeping pace with me, you can see I've been doing a plethora of self-help this year. Actually, I have my whole adult life, but this year I have the means and strong inclination to sort myself out so I can hopefully engage in a meaningful relationship and subsequently create a healthy family (if the Fates so allow). Anyway, I have to say that the delightful cocktail that I've been developing this year is doing me quite well. That cocktail includes (thus far) -- Acupuncture, Chiropractic, Ashiatsu, Resonance Repatterning, Raw Foods, and all that I've learned through Landmark Education. I feel like I'm forgetting something, but those are the biggies.

I feel that all that I have delved into this year are working together, supporting one another, to build a new and improved Carla (ohhhh, I forgot. A really, really, really helpful coaching session I had that stripped away my critical nature - not sure how I forgot that, but I shan't beat myself up over it) : )

The BIGGEST thing I'm getting from all that I'm learning is that we are all really the same. I know I hear people say that all the time and either roll my eyes, scoff in some other form, or just out and out it doesn't register, but I really see it right now. We are all so much the same. We all basically want the same things and have our various ways of going about TRYING to get them that has (to our perception) worked for us thus far.

I'm finding that I was the biggest obstacle in all my relationships, personal and professional. My walls were massive. They were full on fortresses that kept me away from others and them away from me. I can see that I couldn't see their pain. Their pain is huge in some cases far more so than mine. Furthermore, my walls kept me away from their awesomeness. I'm amazed at how AMAZING so many people are. When you put others in a box you have such a limited view of them. Just letting them be whoever they are from moment to moment really lets you in on their beauty.

I hope I remember this. My tolerance is limited, but I hope my curiosity is greater and allows me to know those around me for all they are. Because, so many around me are really extraordinary.

Sting - All This Time

I sing this song every day. This is just like being at my house. I sat down in my office chair tonight and rolled into the next room. NO JOKE.

My Favorite Song

Deus Do Fogo E Da Justiça ... Virginia Rodrigues Nós

I Sure Can Pick Them

Now, I really hope all my fears, concerns, full-on panic attacks are allayed by tomorrow, but I'm thinking I may have chosen unwisely when I picked my handyman.

I found him on CL. He gave me a flat price for the desk, bed, dresser, night-stand assembly that was agreeable to me. I told him that it could be a 6-8 wk window on the bed, but I've been asked QUITE A LOT about the arrival of the bed since. Dude, I'm eager too.

I told him I have the desk and that I've had it since Thursday. He asked me yesterday what my availability this week was. I told him tomorrow (Wed) at 6pm. I didn't hear back till today when he said "what about today". Argh. I wish people would just goddamn tell me what they want and see if it works for me than play this "guess what day and time I want you to say" game. I'm so fucking sick of that. So many people do that to me. I don't fucking have kids. I'm a 9 to5'er. I can pretty much do whatever. Very little is ever set in stone so just goddamn tell me what works for you and we can go from there.

So I get a phone call from him. He asks how close I am to 6th/Congress. Ummm, well I'm at 12th/West Lynn area so that close. Well he's being 'dropped off' at 6th/Congress. I'm assuming it's a bus, because I don't know why anyone with a car couldn't swing the extra 6 blocks up and over, but whatever. Then the kicker. "Do you have a hammer and screwdriver or do you need me to bring them?" Am I high? I was at work and I can't be high or I'll be fired so I don't think I was high. I felt high though. I felt almost insane. I mean, you placed a CL ad that you can do all this shit (furniture assembly amongst them) so ummm, you don't have the tools or wouldn't just bring them anyway?

Then my next door neighbor (at work) kind of gets freaked out that he's legit. She said I should have some one be at my house with me. I don't think that's necessary, but I do get where she's coming from.

We'll see how tomorrow evening (6pm) goes with the desk. If you don't see a blog post at all tomorrow night, maybe come check on me. Someone might be wearing me as a dress. Annnnnnd I just scared myself a little extra.

(Note: EVERY pic I saw when I typed in "handyman" has a dude WITH tools)

Things Are Looking Up

Man, I can tell Saturday's work is really taking hold. I feel DAMN good, not a light, frivolous good that dissipates in a couple hours. More a solid knowing that all is well. I'm liking this A LOT. Grandmother said I really seem different. That's encouraging.

It's funny. I find myself suddenly getting excited for the holidays. Really, really excited. I can't wait.

I think my desk will be assembled this week. Handyman asked what day this week worked for me so I said Wed 6pm. I haven't gotten confirmation back yet, but I'm hoping that works. The boxes are just lying on the floor in the living. God, help me when the others arrive. I have no idea where everything will go, plus the disposal of ALL that packaging. Aghhhhh

Let's see what else. I guess that will do for now.

I Leave This Weekend...

markedly better than I entered it.

I can see clearly now that I have my new AMAZING contacts. I have to have toric lenses. Toric is Latin for "bend over". Kidding, but they are not cheap. Not cheap at all, but I can see now so rock.

That's not the big happening of the weekend though. I had an appointment with psychotherapist who does Resonance Repatterning. I think EVERY ONE should have this done. Wow. I mean WOW. I feel like a different person today. It was funny though. I went to bed at 7pm last night. Got up at almost 9am and then took a nap this afternoon. Freeing yourself of negative things is tiring. : )

My only regret is that Bed & Co is still no where to be found. Maybe it will take the full 6 wks. I hope not.

(don't ask about the photo, i just liked it)