Resonance Repatterning

When I think of all the reading, all the viewing, all the everything I have been through in my adult years to get to the root of what really is bothering me, Resonance Repatterning is standing at the forefront of it all. I've been trying to reconcile whether or not I'm getting so much out of these sessions (only 3 thus far) because of all the work I've done. In my first session, Sandi (therapist) said that it was evident I've done a lot of work on myself because we went straight to the big issues. With the first session so much was accomplished that I almost questioned the need of returning, but I had an appt set up for 2 wks later and it was good I did. That session was so powerful that I booked my next one for one week later (yesterday's session). In yesterday's session I learned that this "heartbreak" that I've been feeling that I assumed was due to my ex-husband actually went back to age 4 when my grandparents (if you don't know me, I'm wildly attached to them and was pretty much raised by them) left for India for 2 yrs and couldn't take me with them due to my young age. Well that was what set in motion my "everyone I love leaves" story. NEVER in a million years would I have guessed that was what was bothering me, but when she said it - I LOST it. I just wept and wept and wept and WEPT.

In the repatterning she called the essences of about 8 flowers (almost all red with pointy petals) that would all be useful to me in my healing of this. Then she shone a red light on my left pinky at the joint where it connects to my hand (because my Earth chakra was broken) and then a green one at my heart (because my Heart chakra was also broken). She said it was good that I had the emerald that Mirtha gave me over my heart because green and pink are the colors for the heart. After she did this she had me visualize Four Year Old Carla and reuniting with my grandparents. OMG, the water works started again (seriously, I mean I ended up with them in the end I really thought I was okay with all this). She said that no matter what happens in this plain that I can always go back to that point and she (lil Carla) can always be with them. Shit, I'm crying again. Anyway, this was CLEARLY huge, HUGE to me.

I know that to some that whole color, calling up flower essences, and all can seem farfetched. To be honest in my first session I was a bit like "whoa" with a few things until I could tell BIGTIME an immediate shift in me. It's palpable. You really and truly leave changed.

Then of course you are down to a new layer. When I was telling Grandmother about this last night she was like "I thought this was going to be a one time thing" with that bit of judgement she sometimes can get. I was totally cool about it. That normally would have set me off, but this is unusual. Unusually phenomenal. Truly, if you are in Austin, you owe it yourself to go for one session and see if you don't come away powerfully changed.

My Inner Child

Well today's therapy session was CRAZY enlightening. Seems like I keep thinking the straws the broke the various camels' backs are the things I've focused on thinking those were the problems when in fact they were really the decoys. Very, very, very revealing and very relieving.

I was feeling so good after the session I bought myself some animal crackers (that Zoe really liked too).

Therapy (Resonance Repatterning specifically) ROCKS!!!!

NPR

I find there are three kinds of people (actually because I love to put every one in boxes I have endless "kinds of people" analogies, but for this one - three)

One) Those Who Do Not Listen to NPR

Two) Those Who Do Listen to NPR and Realize This Does Not Make Them Special

Three) Those Who Listen to NPR and Act Like You Should Get Down on Your Knees to Be So Lucky to Be in Their Grand Presence

I hate Group Three.

What a Headache

So I've been dealing with a headache almost a week now. It went into full on fuck-you-if-you-think-you're-going-have-a-functional-day last night and on into today. I finally took my emergency pill that I've carried everywhere I go for the last year now. The pill made me so depressed. Just really, really, really low.

Fortunately I already had an appt today with my Miracle Worker (my chiropractor). He cracked the hell out of my neck and man did that really help. It's comforting to know that the help is there.

Just really and truly wish I'd quit getting them. They undermine everything for me. I say 'no' to so many things because I'm afraid one might come on and I'd be stuck in a certain situation. More than once have I had to have someone leave a function to take ailing Carla home. It really depresses the hell out of me.

I think I know why this particular one has come on and I'm more than a little perturbed that I'm still so affected. I believe getting this whole bedroom set has brought up the whole ex-husband thing and in a new a bigger way. I don't believe I'll ever love anyone even in the vicinity of the way I loved him and that scares the hell out of me and hello migraine. Maybe I'm over-simplifying, but my head totally started tingling as soon as I wrote this paragraph...so maybe that is it.

Done and Almost Done

The bed's done. The photo does not remotely convey how HUGE this thing is. Ignore the sloppiness. It was just thrown on the platform and there was a lot of clean up. The guy putting it together is AWESOME. So awesome. He's taking the dresser with him to do while I'm at work and he'll bring it back and finish the end tables tomorrow night.

VERY VERY VERY happy and can't wait to test out the awesomeness tonight!!!!

Carla - Knooows This- Much- Is. Truuuuuuee!!!!

I've been watching a lot of episodes of "Modern Family" again lately. My favorite is "Great Expectations", when Claire gets "Izzy" LaFountaine from Spandau Ballet (not really) for Phil for their anniversary. That episode to me is the quintessential "Modern Family" episode. The photo I posted has Ed Norton (Izzy Lafountaine) photoshopped in as a fictitious band member (the guy back right, he's wearing the identical outfit, but standing tall). As another part of that episode, there are numerous references to Sloppy Jays (Jay's version of Sloppy Joes) and I have been majorly needing a Sloppy Joe ever since.

Well, I finally made them tonight. I haven't had them since I was a kid. I'm not as disappointed with this as when I tried to recapture the SpaghettiOs magic to no avail. OMG, I made them SO sloppy and they didn't taste as good as I recall, but not that bad either. I felt like I had a little glimpse of the past and I'm grateful. I toasted the buns on the panini maker so you know, I still kept them sort of current.

I think I'm good on Sloppy Joes for quite awhile. Quite a long while.

World's Strongest Man Needed...

Holy Fucking Shit is my new furniture heavy. One of the poor bastards delivering it fell. I almost started crying when I realized I could NOT move the semi-precarious configuration (they were kind of placed stone hengey like and I was terrified that one of the cats could have gotten crushed if the load shifted. So over the course of an hr I managed to get the boxes each flat to the ground and give myself a bit of walking room. My chiropractor's going to kill me when he sees the shape I'll no doubt be in by Wednesday when I see him again.

I think I might try to put the end table together tonight. I had hoped to get it all put together today especially since it arrived early, but the person I'm hiring to do it was called out of town. He'll be back Tuesday, so Tuesday evening he'll come over. I will be shocked if this is all assembled Tuesday evening, but maybe he's that good.

Meanwhile, I need ‘World’s Strongest Man,’ Mariusz Pudzianowski over here so he can lift all five immense boxes with his pinky and laugh at me using ALL of my body weight and STILL not being able to budge them.